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Yung 
After a short 3-month period of "bliss" from my primary chemotherapy, my CA125 shot up way high. Not a welcome sign! The recent CAT scan revealed the progression of disease with new multiple lesions, some ascites and new pleural effusion. I will be on Gemzar on this second round of chemo therapy. I had my first Gemzar infusion yesterday 05/19/09. Will see what happen after a few months. I pray to God that this new chemotherapy will work in my favor.
On a happier note, my husband and I will be visiting our son (who lives about 2 hours away of the car ride from us) this weekend. We will be watching the air show at the navy base where he works. I know my husband really looks forward to this event so I am going to try my best to be energetic enough to make it through the trip for all of our sake. I am also planning to do some soap carvings to bring to my son this weekend.
There are so many things I wish to do, but I could only accomplish so much less than I had wanted to, these days. Most of my time and energy seem to have been absorbed by something else, i.e. coping with the stress of not being able to sleep and eat, not to mention my worry about the prognosis …
I will keep trying my best to have a appositive attitude, to keep my spirits up, and build up my strength with the support I am receiving from you all through the DS.
Comments
My last primary chemotherapy treatment was on February 19, 2009. The CA125 level measured a month later was at 17. The following month was at 16. I was very happy and relieved. I came into the office every two weeks for the CBC test and have the CA125 tested every month.
This time, on May 7, 2009 the CA125 test came back with a huge rise at 1,500. That was quite a huge jump! I believe this means my disease is progressing and the next intervention is needed ASAP. My Doctor had decided to give me the (Gemzar) Gemcitabine, instead of the Carboplatin/Doxil protocol for this second round.
Will see what happen. I was happy to have a few months of chemo free and feeling better. I was hoping for a promising bright future - getting well, but it doesn't seem to be so the way things look. So, here I am gearing up for another challenging journey. I will do my best to get through this new treatment cycle, and hopping for some favorable outcome down the road…
Wish me luck.
Comments
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That really is huge jump for you and a shock after such promissing results.. I am also experiencing some high CA125 results and am begining treatment with doxil tomorrow morning.. so we will be ging through this together. It is promissing that they are considering carboplatin for you again as it really is the first choice for OC.. unfortunately I am now allergic to it.. so will jsut be having doxil. I have heard very mixed reports about the side effects. Some people do extremely well on it whilst others suffer.. we can only hope that it won't be too bad for us and that it does a great job at getting us on track again. My thoughts and best wishes are with you.. Great big hug to you.. Inka xxx
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Wow, that is a huge jump. So sorry you have to go through chemo again, but you will do fine. We all do whatever it takes. We are here for you. Much love to you.
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Dear Yung
CA125 tests are very sensitive to many different things...when you`re ill it can make it rise or if you have the slightest infection. MY CA levels went from: 7500,1500,450,138,114,118,170,231,276,322,866,984,237,52 and are currently at 24. However, I`ve NEVER been off chemo so you can see how the numbers will tend to jump around. Don`t be too frantic until your oncologist comes up with a plan. I did poorly on Doxil, as that`s when my numbers began to triple. Presently I`m on the drugs Avastin/Gemzar which seem to be working, but who knows what will happen if I stop getting them. Stay strong!
xxLinda
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Dear Yung, It is truly disappointing to hear your test results have jumped up like they did. For me it is reassuring to know that others have recurrences but manage to overcome it again and again. The women here are inspirational in that they deal with whatever they must and go on with their lives. As my doctor said, we treat ovarian cancer as a chronic disease. I wish you didn't have to confront this again but as Linda said, "stay strong" and you will do well. Many hugs, Janet
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Oh my, this isn't fun, is it. I know when my first recurrence happened I was so disappointed. Now, we just try to keep things stable and "live with it" and the actual disease has been pretty unchanged over 5+ years. I hate to think of you on chemo again so soon...Gemzar was pretty gentle on me, so I hope you have the same sort of reaction. hugs and more hugs, I will be thinking of you.
lindamae
On my first day of receving my chemo infusion, my husband was at my side. The nurse accessed my port and hooked my IV line up to a bunch of bags that hung from the IV pole. I received a lot of pre-med to prevent the serious side effects of the chemo before I received the “real stuff”. It took about 5-6 hours long to complete the process.
I looked around the room and I was so surprised to see that all the chemo chairs in the big room were occupied. I said to myself: “My gosh, there are that many people having cancer? That’s really alarming”. I then looked out though the glass windows. It was sunny and the sky was clear. I wished that I could be out there instead of being in here.
It seems so ironic to me that there are two separated “worlds” that exist at the same time, on the same street block - the world of the lucky, healthy people out there, and the world of the not-so-lucky ones, who are depending on their chemo IV lines for their longevity. And I “belong” to the latter.
I felt so sad, I wanted to cry, but I immediately fought against that feeling, because I was afraid that if I allowed myself to feel or to get emotional over what was happening to me, I would “crash” and won’t be able to meet my life’s biggest challenge head on.
Over the period of six long months, I have been enduring the up and down cycles of my chemo treatments, many unpleasant chemo side effects such as poor appetite, fatigue, can’t stay asleep long, having join pains, peripheral neuropathy, and chemo induced anemia, etc.
Aside from the physical impairments, I felt so cut off from my previous world. My 33-year career had abruptly ended. I felt “shut down” and no longer being the energetic, multitasking professional woman as I used to be. I have lost the drives that I used to have. I no longer think of any long term planning. I am not myself anymore. My heart aches when I look at myself in the mirror, wondering who is the person looking back at me.
I often wonder how much my husband has suffered having lived through this terrible ordeal. My heart aches for him too. We have been married for over thirty years. Those were wonderful years of great living that we shared. We were looking forward to many more.
Unfortunately, life had thrown us a curved ball. Instead of plotting and planning for our leisure travels, we were busy keeping track of my weekly doctor appointments, lab tests, and my chemo schedules. Instead of traveling to see the world, we traveled to see the oncologists, to Johns Hopkins, to the PET Center, and to the Infusion Center.
I feel so bad for my husband. Because of my illness, his life has taken a 180 degrees turn. His dreams of travel to see the world in style have to be suspended. His engaging, loving and devoting wife is not quite there for him any more. And, the worse is yet to come …
I pray that he will be strong and our love will long last.
Comments
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It takes a little while to get over the effects of chemo which is what I suspect you are going through right now. You finised chemo with a low CA 125 which says to me you are in remission. You were not handed a death sentence. There is no reason you cannot continue with your plans of travel. It sounds to me like you may be a little depressed. Maybe you should see a counselor. Many people that have gone through cancer/chemo need that. I pray you will feel better soon. Love and hugs to you.
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I agree with Anita's advice about seeing a counselor. I have been meeting with a counselor who specializes in cancer survivors and it has been a tremendous help. Much of what you describe feeling, I also felt. I kept waiting for more bad news and felt as though I was living in an alternative universe while ordinary life moved around me. Counseling and learning through this site that there are other women living good, productive, and happy lives with ovarian cancer have been a wonderful help to me. I had the added complication in that I developed a frequently fatal blood disorder after my cancer surgery and nearly died from it. I've been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and generalized anxiety disorder but the good news is that these are treatable and that I am doing great. I'm living back in the world with everyone else and I am getting on with my life. Yes, the cancer is a part of it all, and will probably always be. Like you, I had extensive disease but right now, things are good, I am back to work fulltime and really appreciating being alive more than ever. Again, consider getting a referral to a counselor experienced with cancer patients. It's helped me feel alive again. Also, my husband had a very hard time with it all; plus, I have nine children and they were shaken by all the events. Cancer doesn't just affect the person, it affects the family and counseling doesn't just help the person, it can help the family. Best wishes and hugs, Janet
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I really wished you had found us here at the beginning of your treatment.. we would have all helped to keep your spirits up and you would not have felt so alone with others going through the same experience..
The first time I was treated for cancer was over nine years ago now.. and I didn't have this sort of support. It has been so different this time and in many ways a very happy time for me. The first time I did go for counseling and I would recommend it to everyone. It was a wonderful space to work through my feelings and to come to terms with everything that was happening.
You sound like a very sensitive and thoughtful woman and I get the sense that you are a bit worn down and depressed with your situation. I hope that we can somehow help you with that.
When you looked out of the window, during your first chemo, and saw the world as full of the 'lucky' people and the 'not so lucky ones' I can't help thinking that, though it seemed that way to you.. it isn't really the case.. There are plenty of people out there without cancer, living extremely unhappy, unfulfilled and miserable lives.. and there are people with cancer who have learned to make the very best of their lives... enjoying and living their lives like never before. I am glad you fought against those feelings and got through it.
You will feel better than this.. the side effects of the chemo can take some time to recover from. I finished last July and am only just feeling physically, emotionally and mentally great again.. Ok so I have to have chemo again.. but I am fit and ready for it and intend to be around for a long time yet.. I have recovered twice from chemotherapy and I will do it again...
In so many ways my life is better now than it ever was before.. I don't have time for nonsense and focus on the important things that fill my life and make each day a special one.. I have had to rebuild myself and my life twice now and each time I have made it better than before.. and that is a challenge that is fun to do.
Be very patient and kind with yourself.. you will get your strength and energy back.. just time patience and understanding and you will get better.. We have a woman here who has been cancer free for over twenty years and she had stage4.. we are all survivors.. we are not alone and we wont let it win.. not in the important things that really matter to us..
I really hope and wish, for you and your husband, that you find some wonderful things to do.. now that you are chemo free.. things to raise your spirits and to keep you strong for whatever the future brings. I have a very wet and muddy puppy here licking my ear and demanding a cuddle.. so must end for now.. sending you the very best wishes and a great big hug for all you have been through.. the worst is over and we are all here for you xxxx
Past Entries
| April 2009 |
Tuesday, 4/28
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Hello Yung, I understand what you are saying about stress and not being able to sleep. I am a worrier myself and cancer does bring with it thoughts that are difficult to put away in the night. I am seeing a counselor and this is definitely helping me. I guess my best advice from what I've learned by being in counseling is just to deal with the present. Worries about the future really are not productive and do not help us. My counselor said to think of driving a bus on the road to health and wellness. Some of the passengers on the bus are things like fear, panic, and the other specific worries you might have. She said that you can acknowledge that these passengers are there but don't let them derail you from the road you want. Positive passengers can be things like 'I feel good today' or 'I exercised.' Other roads can be fear, hopelessness, and despair but you want to stay on the health and wellness road. She said there are actions to take such as, in your case, starting back on chemo, which you have done. I've really briefly summarized an entire hour of counseling. She said that to reaffirm commitments to the path you want to take. I think the important message she had for me was that the worry interfers with the quality of life in the present, that we can acknowledge the worry, but then go on with our day. I hope some of this helps. Maybe it helps to know that others of us have the scary nights, too.
I'm glad you are visiting your son. It should be a good distraction for you and I will pray that the new treatment works well for you. Much love, Janet
IUPUI
Sorry to hear that you are back on the chemo.. I will be hoping that this time it does the job and you will be free of this.. It does help lots to find better things to fill our time with than the worry and the stress.. this seems to be the best way forward.. though not always easy I know.. but we seem to get very good at it after a while.. the trip to see your son is just the sort of tonic you need.. Have a wonderful time.. Love and hugs xxx
Halli
Yung, I am so sorry to hear you are back on chemo. But I am sure it will do the trick this time. I liked Janets analogy about the bus. Seem like a good coping tool. Seeing family is always the best medicing. Have a great time. Love and hugs.
anitaama
Yung, I was on Gemzar for recurrence and it really put me in a stable place. It's not easy, but I believe that one has to wrap one's mind around the fact that this "won't go away" for good...once one has recurrence. Keeping your cancer stable, with chemo, as long as it continues to work, is what one strives for. If you can think like this...you can still enjoy the time you have. Of course, when on chemo, one gets so discouraged because of the weakness and exhaustion. (or at least this has been my case.) My Doc has had me on anti-depresion meds for years which I've found helpful in the "mental battle."
My son also lives 2 hours drive from us...and I don't get down there as much when I'm in treatment. I know the feeling of "pretending" to be upbeat and active in such a scenario. Last weekend I was walking miles, all over Seattle, for my husband's sake. It was worth every minute and I did enjoy myself. Just was pretty dang exhausted when I got back.
Your carvings are sooooo beautiful. I think you have put some of your soul into them, as they are truly unique, like you.
hugs and enjoy seeing your son.
lindamae
lindamae
Dear Yung
All of us are surviving, in one way or another, on this site: some are on chemo, some are off, however I`ve never been off since my chemo began last August. Presently I`m on Avastin/Gemzar, which seem to be my wonder drugs, as they`ve reduced my CA125 to 24. My CA125 numbers started at 7500 a year ago. Please remember that this is like being on a roller coaster, as we have our ups and down. The most important thing is to stay strong to fight your battle. Lots of Love.
xxLinda
Lindaheff