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Casinobogie 
7:52pm November 2
After all this time, I have gotten stronger, the urges disappeared and I felt good about myself.
Then what happens, in a brief moment of weakness, I find myself in the casino and ALL the old
habits, way of thinking have all come back.
And so here I am kicking myself, hating myself, trying to think of lies to try and avoid hurting
all my loved ones. Damn it.....My life was coming around and I was starting to feel good about myself, all my relationships have been better and stronger.
So now that I have ruined this holiday, since all the money is now spent, this is going to be
another awkward and crappy couple of days.
This f****** disease has gotten a good hold on me and is refusing to let go.
I let my guard down for a brief moment and this is what happens.
This really Sucks.................................................
Comments
Oh well, you went gambling......... that's what compulsive gamblers do.....we gamble.
But I don't see you trying to justify it, trying to invent reasons or excuses. To me, you seem to be accepting responsibility for your own actions, not looking for someone or something else to blame it all on.
Admitting and accepting the nature of the problem, truthfully, is a great step forward.
I'm gonna suggest that you maybe try writing your journal more often, in order to keep you focused on the solution....... instead of allowing your worst enemy (your own mind) to creep back into control of your actions.
Always focus on the solution, not on the problem...... look forward, not back.
eastwester
Eastwester is right, thats what compulsive gamblers do. I know I did at first. I'm finally to a place where when the thoughts of going to the casino cross my mind, I pick up the phone and try to make plans to do something else, so far it's working for me. Today I played golf with my son. Its learning the warning signs and doing something about it. It takes time to get to that point. You will suceed I know it. Just pick your self up and start again, its just one day at a time.
Hugs Steph
Steph55
You went and gambled. But the next day you were given a new chance. And tomorrow you'll get another. And...
I suggest each and every time you get that gambling chill, you go and really huuuuuuuug your wife. Even if she knows why you've begun to hug her like that, she'll appreciate you coming to her instead of going to the casino. She'll then realize how often you have to fight it. And it'll make you both feel better than the results of going to the casino. (smile)
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