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Casinobogie 
10:41pm, November 12, 2009
It has been a great while since my last entry. I have been reluctant to write anything.
It is not that I can handle this alone or want to withdraw, it is just that I seem to be on
the verge of "insanity". I am doing the same things over and over again and expecting
different results. Since discovering the bars with the different machines, I have making
excuses to myself and putting money in. I know that I have to stop, but I keep on telling
myself that is is a lot less money that I used to spend and that this keeps me from visiting
the casinos. The same feelings of feeling hopeless and lost have returned.
I feel like such a low life. I have to bounce back one way or another, I am making life
miserable for my family. Out of all the addictions, this is by far the worst one.
The nearest GA meeting is on Saturday mornings, I have no more excuses, I am going!
Comments
As I walked to the car in the morning I was greeted with the sight of my car radio missing and the moonroof top broken. Nothing else was taken. What kind of an a**hole would do that?
It is an older car and nothing in the car or the car itself were worth much. So why would they ruin my day? It is not even worth my reporting to the police or insurance company.
Is this payback from last Friday when I went to the lounge after a frustrating day and lo and behold, they now have video machines. Machines that pay money if you win. It seems that these machines are the rage in all the restaurants and bars. Even though it is "illegal" to gamble in the state, a lot of businesses have these machines. Hell, some of these businesses cannot survive without these machines.
To make a long story short, a few beers led to some money in the machines and then deja vu.
So after that I have taken it one day at a time and now I will watch where I decide to unwind.
What makes this even more frustrating is that I felt I had it under control and was feeling good about myself. Oh well...................back to the drawing board.
Comments
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Yep, that's the madness of it all, eh?......We're fine......until we place that first bet.....then it's loose again and we're powerless to stop...... only solution is to not start......... Easy to say.....not so easy to do.......eventually we get sick of kicking ourselves in the butt and we stop.......until then we gotta get used to a few bruises on the bottom.
Sorry about your car getting ripped off...... that sucks...... but, like they say, life ain't always fair.
Please try not to let it ruin more than just the one day. Like you've probably heard....."Life is not about getting the best hand, it's about playing the cards we get dealt to the best of our ability."
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Hugs and I have been there before. Yuck for the ones that messed up your day
I went to the funeral today of a cousin whom I have grown up with. He was just shy of his 60th birthday. He was in failing health and died of a massive heart attack. There was lots of people who came for both the wake and funeral. It was heartbreaking to see his kids, wife, brothers, sisters and other cousins who were in mourning and could not stop crying.
All this made me stop and think....................why the hell am I wasting my short life away by gambling? All gambling does is waste my time and money, ruin my health mentally and physically. How can I honestly think that gambling will fullfill all of life's needs, wants and desires? I have been lazy and have had a couple of minor setbacks, but, after this, I am to take a different attitude towards my everyday handling of life's events.
I hope that I do not slip up,so, I will be checking in and writing more often than I have been.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
Comments
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So sorry for your family's loss. I know it is just an awful, awful time.
It is so difficult to not take time for granted, and we're all guilty. We still have our youthful mindset that we can do it TOMORROW because we are INVINCIBLE and we'll have so many more opportunities. Usually we do.
Glad you're going to start reclaiming your moments, starting now.
Blessings will surely follow.
Hang in there!
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There was this lady so lovely she worked on a checkout..We chat and we swopped books we laughed we moaned...Then she suddenly felt ill at work and was gone life is so precious so are people...One lady it changed her life she travels she has only herself she works and is travelling the world..Like replacongressnow says we all do things...But we learn and grow in many ways although this is a sad journal in a way for a loss for the family its been good for you its got you thinking heres to you J..
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I am sorry for you loss in your family. You are sounding like you are on the right thinking path. Hugs to you.
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August 2009 |
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Saturday, 5/02
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Hi Casinobogie, I haven't been on in a while either. I have just been working. Don't feel so terrible about yourself. We all have the same thoughts from time to time. You have to be tougher than this addiction though. Don't let it kick your butt again. It has obviously already taken its toll on thousands of people. We just have to be strong. I BELIEVE IN YOU! mamabear21
mamabear21
......a wise man once said the following........
" I think I will put in my two cents worth. "Luck" is not reality, but fantasy. An illusion of the mind to believe that one can achieve success by chance. It is much too easy to believe that "Luck" will make you well off in life and not hard work and determination.
I suppose in today's day and age with all the media projecting the image of glamour and riches being achieved quickly and easily, it is not hard to fall into their trap. So.......it comes down to, not being "Lucky", but, pulling up your britches and getting back to work. "
eastwester
Hang in there guy. I was hoping you were doing okay but well all have times when we need help. Hang in there. Barb
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