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Surreal25 
(i apologize in advance if I repeat things already said, I too have a disorder that involves amnesia)
This is my first journal entry! I am very new here. Just joined today.
So a bit about what brought me here... Well I was desperately looking for a support group and information about how to help my fiance. He lost all his memory. All of it, from lack of blood to the brain after a heart attack. He was born with a heart defect so he has had it all his life. He was also recently diagnosed with lung cancer.
He doesn't remember his name, himself, his whole identity. He doesn't remember his mom or sister. He doesn't remember his oldest friend. He doesn't remember me... it breaks my heart. Just a couple weeks ago he proposed to me. The day of the accident was the day we were going to go out and do it formally since it was a spur of the moment thing.
This was 3 days ago. I love him so much. He's just so young.. it breaks my heart. He's only 30. I'm in my 20's.
About me? Well, I am diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. I have dealt with amnesia, time loss, blackouts, for my whole life on a daily basis. Sometimes it's minutes, sometimes it's days or weeks. It has even happened several times that I lost years. My amnesia is PTSD related.
I have only been in this relationship with him for just over a year. Not long. So I am so scared he won't remember me since it's stuff from the distant past that comes back first. His condition though makes it very very unlikely he will remember things from the recent past few years. I fall into that category.
I refuse to give up. I haven't seen him yet, I haven't spoken to him yet. He was transfered out of the ICU to home care at his mothers because he was far too angry and upset and overwhealmed after waking up from the coma and having no memory. He was physically fighting the staff, tried to choke the doctor. So that is the only reason why they sent him away. He was too violent. He is not better. He had small heart attacks the past 3 days, his whole admission in the ICU.
I'm so scared of losing him. I don't know what to do at all in regards to how I can help. I want to do everything I can to help him. I also want to be selfish here for a minute... I really NEED him to remember me. I have a long history of serious selfmutilation (to the point of lifethreatening) and several suicide attempts. I'm still in that space but was making alot of progress so I give myself a pat on the back for that.
It's so painful. I haven't seen him yet, or spoken to him. Didn't get a chance to. So I came here to get help on what is the best way to re-introduce myself and the do's and dont's. What can I do to help rebuild the relationship.
I was so fucking scared when I got the call at 5 in the morning 
the prognosis was that he was going to die...
Part of me feels like he did die. He is not there on the outside. His body is there. He, the man I love, it's not him. He doesn't look at me and feel the love he did when he saw me smile. He doesn't know our intimate secrets. The love we had. He doesn't love me.
I am willing to do anything and everything in my power to help him and I know this includes time and space and baby steps. I've been in the same position he has. The exact same one. I was in the ICU 4 times. In comas. Amnesia due to lack of blood to the brain, amnesia due to head trauma.
I miss him. I can't visit him. He was released to home care at his mothers because he was too violent at the hospital, begging for them to give him back his memory, throwing things and yelling and physically fighting and tried to choke the doctor.
So when I go, read a few pointers online, I know not to kiss him. Introduce myself just like if it were the first time we met.
Do I tell him I'm his girlfriend? That he was about to propose to me? Can I tell him that we were in love? I don't know. These questions rack my mind.
He has only had this since the accident so it's only been 3 days so I am still very very distraught.
I will keep posting his progress here.. and of course how I'm doing. But so far, 3 days, nothing has come back.
-Surreal
