Journal

Well  I got my food stamps back and my medicaid. Thank u god! So that is my good news.

Now for the BS, apparently when I wrote in my last note that my cousin's husband is a dick, it hurt his feelings. Now how he got access to my profile and my notes is suspecious because my profile wont revel any info to strangers until I make them my friends and he is definately not on my friends list. So 1 of 2 things happened, either 1 of my 3 cousins that live in that house that are on my friends list, read the note and decided to get some shit started by showing it to him. Or 2 he decided to snoop and got into his wifes account without her knowing.

So now according to what my mom is telling and what my cousin told her, that I am never ever allowed back at the house and no my cat cant come stay. No one could call me and tell me this, I had to find out by him sending me nasty text messages telling me to "come to my house and I'll show u how big of a dick I can be!" Now my mom is telling me all this bs about slander blah blah blah. i never mentioned his name in the note and when I was at his house I was nothing but respectful to him and he started acting really funky towards me like he couldnt wait to be rid of me. And I found out from my cousin and my mom that he was talking shit about me and I hadnt done shit to him! And on top of that he treats my cousin and her kids like shit and she has a heart condition and they constantly fight and she tells me how he talks to her bad and everything.

Plus the note was written as a way of venting and was private so only my friends on here could see it so someone has been stirring the pot to get shit going. Its funny this shit happened the night before I was supposed to go down there. But its cool, because I didnt lie on him, I told the truth he is a dick and my cousin can testify to that, and I have never disrespected him to his face or in his home and I never said anything bad about him until he started bad mouthing me. So fuck him I'm done, I dont need to take my kitten to his house, I'm getting a new apt on campus where I can keep my kitty and its cheaper than the 1 i'm in now. And this whole "Come to my house" bs, WHATEVER! How the fuck did u get my number when I never gave it to u? that is what I have been wondering all night. so some 2 faced bs is going on in his house and I'm glad im out of the mess. I still love my cousin and her kids so if they want to visit they can call me or come to my apt. But I know when i find out who's starting shit, they are getting cut out of my life too because I dont have the time, patience or strength to deal with drama. I'm good and god takes care of me and carries me thru obstacles that happen in my life and this minor blip is already been overcome. Thank you god for the help!

So now that I have that off of my chest, I feel much better and dont care if anyone gets pissed about it, if they dont like it , quit reading my notes or delete me. Thats all I got to say about it. But i'm really glad i'm getting an apt that i can keep my baby son in. It will be nice to let him lounge in the window in the sun without worrying about someone seeing him and me getting in trouble. Also I wont have to turn the tv up real loud when I leave so that others wont hear him meowing and report me. The only bad thing is in the new apt I will have to pay for my own internet so hopefully I can get a discount since im a student and living in their housing.

Well here is what i have been up to lately. I went shopping at the dollar tree a couple days ago for christmas and spent $64, man I was in there for almost 3 hours and had to sit in the middle of the aisles 5 times because of pain and the entire time I was sweating profusely and hurting, but when I was done I felt like I had accomplished something and had satiated my retail therapy need. I swear the Dollar tree is great,  u can go in there for 1 thing and always come out with alot more and u cant complain because everything is a dollar and they have some nice stuff in there. i go there to make spa baskets for some of the girls in my family and different odds and ends that I need. I actually have most of my christmas shopping done. I only have 3 people left to buy for. Also from 11pm last night until 5am this morning i was wrapping christmas presents! I got them all wrapped and the mess most of the way cleaned up.

I love christmas its my favorite holiday because I get to go crazy and splurge on spoiling my loved ones. I love gift giving at christmas, its the look on the person's face when they open the present and its something that they love and really wanted, its the greatest feeling for me. I just like giving in general, during the holidays I always donate to salvation army bell ringers with a couple dollars everytime I see them and I buy toys for the toys for tots program and usually if i see a charity stickers at the counters of grocery stores I will buy them and I also do it at the fast food resteraunts too. I wish I was rich because I would donate alot more money and things, and i know what its like to not know when your next meal is coming and to be struggling, and it breaks my heart to know that there are children out there that have to go thru that.

So that is one of the reasons I want to become a doctor because I know doctors make alot of money and besides helping people heal, I would be able to start my own charity programs that wouldnt have the restrictions that the governments has on their programs. I would help anyone that needed it and I would also want to start a job training program that would help people learn skills to get a job and would help them with their bills until they got thru the program and then when they graduated I would get them placed in a job either in my practice working for me or in nearby hospitals and businesses. I also hope that when I become a doctor that I can adopt children that nobody else wants such as children with disabilities, teenagers or abused children. I would have a large home with the best nannies, nurses etc to care for the children while I am working and then after work I would come home to my kids and spend time with them and give them all the love in my heart and raise them to be good people and to know that they can do anything if they put their mind to it and believe in god. I also would like to work on creating and finding medicines that can cure and prevent major diseases such as Aids, Cancer and MRSA.

I know I have a good heart and that its very tender to others and their needs. I always try to help others out the best that I can, wether its advice or if they need some money or help fixing a problem of some sort, i'm there for my friends and family and I tend to put others first and I know I'm not supposed to do that all the time but that is how I am. I know to some the goals and dreams that I have seem unrealistic and hopelessly romantic. For example I would love to end world hunger, poverty and eradicate aids! But that is just me, I want to help change the world and when I leave earth I want to know that I contributed in some way to it. But until I get rich I will do what I can such as my mom's fiance is getting out of prison in a few days. My mom told me that all his stuff was triffled thru at his moms house and stuff was stolen, so I went out and I bought him a jacket, hat, gloves, scarf and 3 nice smelling bottles of cologne from the dollar store, so that he would atleast be able to go out in the cold and not completely freeze since his coat was one of the things that was stolen.

But thats just me, I know today is going to be busy and hectic. I need to finish cleaning my apt up because my family is coming to my halloween get together tomorrow. Also I need to call the apt office and tell them I will take that apt and start packing and then I have to go to the grocery store to get the digiorno pizzas and snacks for tomorrow. All tomorrow consists of is were having a horror movie marathon and gonna eat pizza and snacks and just chill. Its nice to have a good time and relax without no drama caused by alcohal or drugs, and i definately dont allow that kind of stuff at my house! So far I know its going to be me, my mom and my sister, but a few more family is bound to come over too. So its going to be alot of fun!

The other thing I have to do is get caught up on all my school work. I am so behind in my online courses because of all the infections, the trips to the ER and the drama. But i know if I work really hard I can get caught up quick.I just hope this move will go smoothly and that it wont take long to turn my internet on there.

I really cant believe it that day aftr tomorrow is Nov 1st. Where has this year gone? Nov is going to be a busy month for me, I already have 7 doctors appts all to different doctors and specialists. The one i'm looking forward to the most is on the 11th because I'm getting my Mirena put in. The Mirena is a 5 yrs birthcontrol IUD that stays in your uterus. I'm getting mine done the same time as my pap and this device is really going to help me deal with my PCOS. It will help regulate my hormones and stop me from having agonizing periods from hell. My doctors said I might spot for a day or 2 but in a year my periods would completely stop. Sorry to the men reading this, I'm not trying to gross u out just stating the facts here.

Yesterday I applied for a grant to cover my dental work and found out that they want to count my financial aid against me as income even though all the major government agencies like dhs and ssa dont count Financial aid as income for me. So i doube that im e even going to get it, but U of M
s dental school have a sliding fee scale and will work with me but I know that with all the work that I need done that I'm looking at a grand to fix my teeth. Sigh but it has to be done before the bacteria starts attacking my heart and dont need that with the tachycardia i'm deaing with.

But thats basically it right now, just alot going on in my mind and with my body. but will keep everyone updated and not stay away from facebook and my friends. I love u all, please continue to pray for me and for my family especially my cousin Cathy because she needs to get away from the drama and to get her heart regulated and her auto immune disease under control.

Also any advice would be greatly appreciated and comments too.

Big hugs! Rachel                                                                                 

Well I asked my cousin Cathy to take my baby Rambo for the next 6 months. i couldnt get out of my lease here at the apt complex so I'm stuck here for another 6 months. I will be paying her $10 a month for kitty food and litter and I will be paying for his vet visit so he can get his 6 month booster shots and his rabies shots so he will be done with the vet for a while. Thanks god Cathy wanted to take him so I wouldnt lose my son. But it pisses me off that her husband is being such a dick and doesnt want me at their house at all, because he doesnt want her having anything to do with her family. I havent done anything to him at all for him to be this hateful to me. So friday I will be taking my son with my mom to my cousins and then we will be coming back home only a couple hours later.

I'm really gonna miss my lil binky boo boo when he is at his aunt Cathys house, but I know that he will be well loved and will be happy there because he will have other cats and people to play with and its a very loving home for him. I just hope that my cousins husband dont get so damn hateful that he hurts my cat even though my cousin would beat his ass if he hurt 1 of the animals.

My cousin is more like a sister to me because we are very loving of animals and love to take care of animals. We also have alot in common including the love of horror movies and we can talk about anything together. Or atleast that is how it was this summer now I dont know what is going on with her. I'm just hoping that this transition of not having my son around is going to reduce my stress and that other things in my life will start to work out for the better.

But I did do some exercise if u want to call it that and some destressing. I went to the Dollar tree for almost 3 hours and spent $63. i was doing my christmas shopping and i was in horrible pain and had to sit down 5 different times in the middle of the aisle and sweated profusely the entire time. But I got alot more of my christmas shopping done.

But I got my Halloween night planned out too. I guess it will be me, my mom and my sister and maybe my neice and her bf, all will be watching a movie marathon and eating pizza and snacks and just chilling. Im just praying for god to get me thru this weekend without any big issues coming up.

I hope everyone is doing well and that god blesses u all. Any advice and support will be appreciated.

Yesterday the maintence crew showed up to fix my couch. I quickly hid my kitten Rambo and let them in. They told me after looking at my couch that they would be back after lunch to fix it and since i had errands to do I asked if I needed to be here for them to do the work. They told me no. So I left out and went over to visit my mom with my kitten so I could copy all the documents I needed for DHS so they will reinstate my foodstamps and medicaid. So I spent the entire afternoon getting these documents together and then had to go deal with the retarded ass DHS people. Somewhere between my mom's house and DHS Rambo got carsick and threw up in his carrier, so since it was only a small blob of kitty food, I wiped it up and then had to hurry and do my grocery shopping at Kroger's. So I had been on the run all day longand hadnt slept the night before because I was in severe pain and I was cleaning my apt.

Here's where it all goes down hill and fast. I come home and my couch is still broken and there is a letter under my door. This letter says that I'm not allowed to have my kitten in my apt and I have until next monday to find him a new home or my lease will be terminated and I will be brought up on charges from the student judicial services! I fucking had it with all the bs going on and now they wanted me to get rid of my son, so I had a breakdown and sobbed hysterically for about an hour on the phone to my mom. I told her I'm not getting rid of my kid. Thats exactly what Rambo is to me my son, I dont see him as a pet. Well my mom talked to me and got me calmed down and told me about these apts that my neice and her bf just moved into. they dont make you wait to move in or check your credit, so its possible that I could be moved in by Nov 1st. The only bad thing is I dont know if any of the utilities are included with the rent, I know here everything is included with cable and internet so my costs would be higher. I also have a back DTE bill so I know for me to get that paid off and have it turned back on would be atleast a 1000. The other option is to talk to the Apt director and see if he will let me move into 1 of the other 2 university apt complexes, because those complexes I'm allowed to have my baby, where as this whack ass one doesnt allow any animals! It will cost a bit more to live there, about 40 more a month and I would have to pay for my own internet but everything else would be included still.

So right now I'm trying to figure out which is the lesser of 2 evils and which is more affordable for me considering I'm on SSI. I know I need to get added to a list for the disabilities highrises and that they have atleast a year long waiting list.

The last option isnt even an option for me and that is get rid of Rambo or ask my cousin Cathy to hold on to him until I can move into an apt that allows him. I cant ask her to do that and dont want to because her husband is a dick and I dont want him taking it out on Rambo or Cathy.

So today I have to contact the Apt office and talk to the director about the other complexes on campus and i have to go talk to this other apt complex off of campus and see what they offer. All I know is that this bs couldnt have come at a worse time and i'm feeling really overloaded.

Well I hope u all are doing well and are happy. Please pray for me and any advice would be appreciated.