jkthaley's Journal

Okay, so we are trying to get pregnant, but I don't want to obsess about it or let it get between my faith in the Lord or anything like that. I was told before I was able to get pregnant with my son, who I lost on April 15, that my three year old would most likely be an only child unless I went through extensive procedures including IVF or adopt.  My husband and I really prayed about IVF and decided that it would be selfish of us to do that when we could spend 15 grand on our child that the Lord had given us at least at that moment.  Our financial standings was not really enough for us to go through with that and me be a stay at home mom.  We have always wanted to foster and adopt but when Haley gets older and we have more time and energy to help the kdis that may have special needs or situations. Anyway, I getting off on another story.  We took Glucophage, but my doctor was afraid if I took Clomid, I could have high risk of ectopic pregnancy at the time and didn't think it would be a good idea. I had made peace with all of this and actually stopped taking the meds in November and got pregnant in December.  When I found out I was pregnant, I was losing my MiMi who was one of the most wonderful women GOD put on this planet. I had such great grandparents; all four; and am so blessed overall that I feel bad complaining or even praying for myself. I found out that the pregnancy was okay the day my MiMi went into a coma.  I feel like GOD gave me this baby bc I needed something positive and good news at a time when I was losing something so important to my family. 

Anyway, we are going to start on Clomid and Glucophage in July after three cycles when my doctor shall prescribe anything. I have also started using an ovulation monitor kit thing and am hoping that I am ovulating every month and my ovaries are working.  I just don't know what to think or do anymore; there is such conflicting information about everythign from diet, sex strategies, how to get pregnant, ways ot increase chances, etc. but there are no clear answers or solutions. I have endo, PCOC, scar tissue, history of dermoid and fibroid tumors, abrasions, and the last surgery I had left my fallopian tubes not connected to my ovaries and the one that is close is not up and down, but goes side to side.  My one ovary is shriveled but they think it may have started working so who knows.  The only thing I know is that I am trying to know that GOD knows best and I have to accept and love what I have been given and try not to question or get upset because that is not the person I want to be or the life I want to lead. I have an amazing husband and three year old daughter who needs me to be a good mother and wife and that is what I am trying to do while hoping it is GOD's will to let me have a healthy baby very soon.  I am so overwhelmed at this point and feel like the world is still spinning although I can see some objects around me.  Sorry for rambling. Hope everyone who reads this has a great day and all their dreams and prayers come true.  GOD bless