Journal

As you all know a lot is going on with me physically...medically....but thats not what I want to share this day.....That is just what it is....The most incredible things have been happening in my life these past weeks....A very old and dear friend and I reconnected....We had lost touch a few years back....(In all truth, the more this disease progressed, the more I pushed those I love away, in fear of upsetting....or hurting them) Anyways.....She came to visit and we shared many tears of joy, laughter....lots of hugs and truth....I realized how very much I miss the friendship that meant so very much to me for so very many years....I promised her I would not push her away ever again....(shame on me) as like my children she also said....look, we have now and I do not want to waste it....My heart is so full....Its amazing the changes this disease puts one thru psychologically....I do believe the docs should address this along with all the physical changes....Its important and I have little doubt that there are many out there who do share similar feelings etc. Its important stuff....

Another really great thing is that My oldest son, Robert, who is in the military phoned to tell me he is coming home for the surgery! He was granted leave....At first I was telling him...honey please do not waste the money to come home....I will be fine....Gawd! He put up with that until he was granted the leave....He called and said....LOOK OLD WOMAN LOL LOL LOL...I am coming home and thats it and thats all....I started crying as I didn't even realize how deeply I wanted him to be with me and his brothers on that day.....Gosh It will be so wonderful to have all three of my boys with me as I prepare to go into surgery! My heart is exploding with joy!!! 

My Middle son and his wife finally decided on a name for my grandson who is due to enter this world and our family in the next couple of weeks....Jonothan Uriah! I love it....I keep pushing my daughterinlaw to have this little bundle of love soon...she says I am tryinggggggggggg....lol and we laugh....

The point of all of this is just this....For as much that is wrong there is so much more right....Many good things are happening and much love is being shared....Many moments are being embraced and always there is much laughter....It seems to me that I am a VERY BLESSED WOMAN....in so many ways....For as much that went a bit wrong this past year....its going to be closing with so much love, family, friends and joy.....A beautiful way to wrap it all up if you ask me....Gosh I cannot believe I will have my three sons and five grandbabies here with me for Christmas! I am so happy....not to mention my three sons here with me as I go into surgery....Yes, my heart is full....Thank you to the powers that be for bringing my friend back into my life and world....an added bonus....and thank you for my constant friend....Karen with which I do not believe I could have gotten thru my darkest times without her love, support and friendship....My soul sister....and yes, thank you to all my friends here who continue to inspire me to no end.....YES, I AM A VERY VERY BLESSED WOMAN....

Wishing everyone a blessed night....Breathe easy.....

Love and Many Blessings, Serenity 

Hello All, its been awhile since I last shared....Been busy and bothered by appointments and tests....One after the other....seems a never ending battle these days....As far as the cardiologist goes....there seems to be some sort of problem with my arteries that go from my heart to my stomach...Which could be causing my stomach pains and contractions.....My heart is also pretty irregular and weakening....I was suppose to go back to see the cardiologist but cancelled the appointment....Now I am sorry but I was over it and just couldn't or didn't want to hear about anymore problems etc....Lawd it can get overwelming sometimes....

It seems the major growths right now are filling my ovaries and uterus....there are three rather large solid masses....2 to 3 inches and lots of cystic things going on....I am having surgery on November 10th....My ca125 came back elevated and the biopsies were less then what I hoped for but maybe the surgery will take care of at least these problems...

My grandbaby is due on the 9th...lol....Told my daughterinlaw to get busy...lol....As this could be the second time I am in the hospital when a grandbaby was being born....Last time at least I was in the same hospital and they allowed me to go to the maternity ward to welcome him....This time two different hospitals...So of course I am hoping for his arrival a bit sooner....I chose the 7th as my predicition for his birth....I hope I am right....lol....The doc says I will have to stay in the hospital for several days....I am not thrilled about that, especially being as the hospital she wants me in is rather far from home....Its funny how much is going thru my mind and heart these days....

I have another appointment this coming Tuesday and then the pre

-op on Nov. 2nd....lawd....I just really want to get this all over with so I can look forward to the holidays and a new year...May we all have a better one then this....

I will see my pulmulologist the week after surgery so I will find out the rest about the heart results then....One less doctor to see this way....

I am feeling rather tired and a bit fed up....It seems nothing I do makes any real difference at this point....It just seems there is so much to deal with at this time and I feel a bit lost in it all...The docs are all real nice and do take the time to explain etc. but still I seem to get lost in a cloud of confusion about it all....How can so very much be going wrong in such a short amount of time....It can make me crazy when I start questioning....I really don't know how aggressive I will choose to be as this all comes together....A lot of my health issues make sense now but so what....Lawd.....it just doesn't fix any of it....So all I am left to do is accept and trust in the docs for now....Mmmmm.....not always an easy thing to do but necessary at this point....

The weather is still unbearable....in the 90 with humidity factors of 98 - 99%....Lawd its hot....Been staying in an awful lot and looking forward to it breaking...They say this coming week a cold front is expected so we will see temps in the 80s during the day....Ahhhh something to look forward to for sure..... *smiles*

In all truth I am a bit nervous about this surgery....It will be what it will be but somehow I just do not have a good feeling about any of it....Wondering if my body will be strong enough to withstand first the actual surgery and then the recovery....Gawd I am exhausted....

Anyways, its a new day.....My heart is open and I am looking forward to whatever little surprises it may hold....I want to try to see my grandsons this day....spend a bit of time with them....Always helps lift my spirits....I have a sink full of dishes that are screaming my name...lol....So I think I better get busy....Thanks for all your support and encouragement....You all really mean a lot to me as do your friendships...Be well my friends and have a great day....

Love and Many Blessings, Serenity