Journal

That is one of my favorite quotes.  It is from Frank Herbert's book 'Dune'.

I had my first reconstructive surgery in July - it was a delayed reconstruction.  I was afraid of a lot of things - of pain, of infection, of 'complications'.  Considering all the complications I had with chemo, the feasr was not unreasonable.

I am very happy to say that I have had relatively NO pain.  The surgery was initially a little more painful than the mastectomy; however, I only took two of the Norco pills they sent home with me and didn't need any more.

I have had 3 fills with my next one scheduled for September 21st.   I started with 200 ccs in the expander and have had another 200 added (60 ccs, 60 ccs, then 80 ccs) with 260 to go before we reach the maximum limit of the expander.  I can sleep on either side or on my back with absolutely NO discomfort.  When I'm up and about I can barely feel the expander.  I guess this bodes well for how I will ltolerate the implant after the next (and final) reconstructive surgery.

Fear is definitely the mind killer.  Enough fear and you can't think rationally about anything.  I only wish I had known this was going to be so easy and go so well.  My next (and final) surgery will probably be in January or early February.  It will involve a slight reduction in my left breast as well as replacing the exander with an implant on the right.  They used the largest expander on the market for my new right breast; however, even at the maximum, my left breast is larger, so they will do the slight reduction to achieve symmetry.

I'm sure I will be scared right before the next surgery.  Any time they put you under it is frightening because there are risks; however, I'm hoping to remind myself not to be afraid and to just look forward to completing this chapter of my life and to focus on the future, not the past.

If fear is the mind killer, then hope (or faith) is the mind saver or freer.  I intend to focus on hope and banish the fear.

OK - so I'm home from my first reconstructive surgery - expander firmly in place with 200 ccs of fluid to start off.

This was more painful than the mastectomy last year but not too bad.  I had a Dilotid pain pump in the hospital and Norco pills for home pain management but I'm really not needing much.  If I stay down and quiet I don't have much pain.

In two weeks they will start the fills - 5 fills and 3 months of stretching and I can have my final reconstructive surgery - probably December or January.  I'm looking forwad to having it all done and behind me but at least I'm past the first step.

OOPS!  Time to go take another nap - it's what I seem to do best these days. ;-)

Ihope all my DS friends are doing well and having a wonderful weekend.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........

 - Diane

OK.  Less than 48 hours from my first of two reconstructive surgeries.  Keeping it together pretty well but the nerves are definitely showing.

I thought this would be a simply happy time,.  Finding out my whole department will be let go on October 2nd was a shock.  I have my 20 year company anniversary on August 28th, so I haven't interviewed for a job in over 20 years.  Scary.  In this economy - even scarier.

It's kind of hard to focus on only one drama at a time but right now the reconstruction gets the front seat.  I'm looking forward to 2-3 weeks of stress free rest and recovery.  That is where I am focusing my mind to take the stress off - I'm hoping the nerves calm down.

I'm taking my son (24) to see the new Harry Potter movie tomorrow night so I spend the night before my surgery doing something fun and relaxing.  I'm going to have some waxing done after work today so I don't have to worry about under arm, leg, or eyebrow hair during this visit.  Last August I couldn't have imagined having a problem with extra hair anywhere - just trying to clear the decks. ;-)

I'm looking forwad to catching up with my DS friends after I've had a chance to heal a little.

 - Diane