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About Me
chefkaren71
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About Me
I am the mother of a little girl, who is my world. I have been in gay relationships since shortly after she was born, though always felt something wasn't right in straight relationships. I have a deep love for God and carry Jesus in myheart everyday. I struggle with this and my relationships. I have been disabled sicne 2005 due to undiagnosed Celiac Sprue that caused B-12 deficiency and thus CIDP (Chronic Inflammitory Demylenating Polyneuropathy). Life is hard but I keep on keeping on.
I am the mother of a little girl, who is my world. I have been in gay relationships since shortly after she was born, though always felt something wasn't right in straight relationships. I have a deep love for God and carry Jesus in myheart everyday. I struggle with this and my relationships. I have been disabled sicne 2005 due to undiagnosed Celiac Sprue that caused B-12 deficiency and thus CIDP (Chronic Inflammitory Demylenating Polyneuropathy). Life is hard but I keep on keeping on.
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Journal
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I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS BACK AND FORTH SHIT. I HAVE DOUBLE PNEUNOMIA AND DON'T FEEL LIKE IT. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT I DO ONCE A MONTH HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY DURMISE. I HAVE PLENTY OTHER THINGS FOR THAT, LIKE THE MEDS I TAKE FOR ONE AND FOR TWO LIKE HAVING THE ONLY FRIEND I HAVE IN THE WORLD JUDGING ME INSTEAD OF SUPPORTING ME. I THOUGHT THAT WAS WHAT FRIENDSHIP WAS ABOUT BUT I GUESS I WAS WR0NG. I JUST GET JUDGED BY YOU WHEN YOU HAVE A BIGGER ADDICTION PROBLEM THAN I DO. YOU KNOW YOU USE EXCUES COSTANTLY.....THE GRASS COULD HAVE BEEN CUT BEFORE YOU EVER FOUND ABOUT THE CLOTS AND YOU KNOW THIS, AND IN THE 20 YEARS, HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU THINK I HAVE HEARD "I WAS GONNA DO IT, BUT", COME ON LETS' KEEP IT REAL AND I HAVE ALWAYS DEFENDED YOU TO EVERYONE. AS FAR AS ME HELPING, I HAVE BEEN TIRED OF HELPING FOR A LONG TIME, IF YOU REALLY APPRECIATED IT, YOU WOULDN'T KEEP IT LIKE THAT, NOT DESTROY IT AGAIN. THIS IS HOW YOU SHOW APPRECIATION.?????Y??????? YOU KNOW ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAT WORDS. THE SAD PART OF IT IS THE COMPUTER IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM, IT KEEPS YOU FROM CLEANING THE HOUSE, CUTTING THE GRASS, PAYING ATTNETION TO RENEE, ETC. I DON'T NEED TO SPELL THIS OUT FOR YOU, YOU KNOW THE REAL DEAL, YOU JUST HAVE TO ADMIT IT. YOU WANT ME TO ADMIT TO THIS BIG PROBLEM THAT DON'T EXIST AND YOU CAN'T EVEN ADMIT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. I DON'T ENJOY BEING LOOKED DOWN UPON ESPECIALLY FROM SOMEONE WITH SO MANY ISSUES. TO MY UNDERSTANDING GOD IS THE PERSON TO JUDGE ME AND MY FRIENDS ARE SUPPPOSED TO SUPPORT ME, BUT MAYBE I DON'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT CHRISTIANITY TO MAKE THAT STAEMENT. JUST LIKE I SAID EARLIER, I NEED SUPPORT NOT JUDGEMENT. WHEN DO I JUDGE YOU ABOUT YOUR NASTYT HOUSE, CAR, AND YARD? NEVER!!! IT IS NOT MY PLACE. AND IF I AM GIVING UP, SO WHAT OF IT, WHAT TO DO I HAVE TO LIVE FOR? I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO KEEP GOING AND I HAVE SAID ENOUGH AND DON'T CARE TO KEEP TRYING TO DEFEND MY SELF 0R THROWING STONES. IF THAT IS ALL WE HAVE, THERE IS NO NEED TO GO ANY FURTHER.
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See that was more of the same......I, me, us, Renee and then straight to the defense. At lease I can acknowledge my problems and have faced them down to once a month even though my body is being desroyted everyday by medication and you know that. So why not try to understand me instedad of telling me how bad of a person I am? For once in your life, put down the book of excuses and face your faults, the grass---come on, excuse----the house----excuse, and you know I could go on and on and I don't. Instead I say nothing at all or try to find a positive way of bringing it up and usually try to help you at the same time. And the minute I make one very true comment, it is straight to the defense, be thankfule I haven't been like that over the years. I see I am better to keep my mouth shut and take the digs just like I always do, that works better and so it shall be.
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Thanks for your concern on my journal entry but where do I fit into that equation. I sas just I, me , us, and Renne. I am human slthough most don't even realize that anymore and as far as the addiction advice, I don't thinke I need any from someone with a way bigger addiction than I have.
Ray of Sunshine
Hang in there lady. I know things have been rough for you but there is always hope out there. Hugs and best wishes. Feel better soon. Jerri
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Support Groups
Close COPD & Emphysema
recently dx'd with COPD, as I needed more on my list, lol... For now it is mild and the doctors are closely watching several nodules in both lungs.
Treatments
Close Celiac Disease
was dx'd in May 2005 when became bedridden due to complications from celiac. Extended family was not told it was hereditary and so i wasn't checked. Have had stomach issues since teen years and treatments never worked, til went GF. Now deal with Chronic Neuropathy since misdiagnosed over 20 years
Treatments
- Gluten Free Diet Working / Worked
- If I accidentally get glutens in my food I am profusely vomiting and diahrria for 6-12 hours. This begins usually within an hour of ingestion. Also have to wtch out for glutens in household and body cleaners, as i get small blisters on my skin
- Bentyl Working / Worked
- Was still having some tummy troubles until I started on 20mg 4 times a dayand now cant go withoutthem or get bad cramping and bloating.
Open IgA Deficiency
my 5 y/o girl was dx'd with IgA deficiencywhile being tested for Celiac, which i have and it runs heavy in my mother's family. It hasn't caused her much trouble that i realize anyways, but does make it difficult to find labs to do her twice yearly Celiac testing, since that is the protein that they monitor for Celiac.
Open Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS)
I was dx'd with CIDP, the chronic version of GBS, in May2005. It was caused by undiagnosed Celiac Spruethat cuased severe B-12 deficiency thus causing my body to attack my mylen and into the axon on many nerves throughout mybody.
Treatments
- IVIG Working / Worked
- i take IVIG 3 days every 3 weeks and if I go longer than that I become very weak and have ended up hospitalized within a week or so. I can not function without my "Go juice". It helps me feel stronger and able to go without naps some days. I feel flu like and drained for a few days after starting each treatment but minor compared to what it would be like to not get it at all.
Open Lesbian Relationship Challenges
I'm 37 and had my first lesbian relationship in 2006. I knew instantly that gay is what I am. I have a 5 y/o girl and making it very hard to find someone willing to love me and my kid. I am also disabled so living on crumbs most days. Currently engaged but not sure relocating and blending her into my family is going to work. I'm scared to death and so unsure of things, that is why I finally joined DS.
