sarahnmcg's Journal

I am gaining weight due to my meds
My husband might have thyroid cancer
My husband is on the brink of leaving me

He says I don't smile enough and he has even screamed with his face touched against mine and backed me into a corner because of not smiling and he didn't like "my tone" when I wasn't aware I had one.

I love him and imagine life without him but I can't take the constant yelling. I'm the bipolar one but he's gone off the deep end. he tells me I just need to recognize that he has a short fuze and treat him like a baby and smother him with hugs and kisses so that he doesn't go off. I told him that that is not right and that he needs to figure out his problem cuz I'm not going to live on egg shells. that didn't go over well. he keeps saying he's so close to hitting me and that he is going to soon.

I can't give up on us I JUST CAN'T but I'm so tired of all of this! The shitty thing is that I know that he would end up with our 18m old son because I've been hospitalized for being suicidal and I'm a basketcase with Fibromyalgia, but he can't handle him without me. He gets frustrated and angry with him and has no patience. I don't think he'd ever hurt him though.

I don't know how to feel, what to do, or what to say! I don't want to leave, but I don't know how much I can take. I'm going to talk to my therapist on thursday. Maybe she can help me. I don't want to turn her against him though because sometimes we see her together. I'm stuck! I don't know what to do! I've been feeling really low anyway and none of this is helping. I keep feeling darker and darker. I feel so lost!