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Phoebie2008 
5:36am, September 7, 2009
Went to second aa meeting today i'm amazed at how at ease I feel there since they are all strangers. I have one possible sponsor she's gonna ring me during the week. For the first time I said I was an alcoholic it was hard to say. I feel like I'm in the right place and I feel so happy that I'm there and really ready for it. I don't think I would have been able to do it a year ago. just the fact of sharing personal feelings with other people, people I don't know well I would have had panic attacks. I noticed that my heart stayed at a normal rate while talking to the women. No sweating or fidgeting. Its either the medication working or that it is a safe non judgemental place to be. I had a hard time after the first meeting and I have been having flash backs to all the times I have ever drank. I completely beat myself up from the inside out and anger came out I was snappy and couldn't lift my mood I thought I was sinking into depression. there is such a stereotype to it and because I didn't drink everyday and be drunk all the time I was trying to convince myself that it wasn't me I didn't need help. Then I woke up a few days later and the feeling was gone I could think rationally again I could see all the positives to accepting this illness and felt proud that I'm going to be alcohol free for the rest of my life. I knew I could do it. How lucky am I that I'm 28 I'm still young I have my life ahead of me and that I hadn't done any long term damage to my health, or end up in jail or dead. so many bad bad things could have happened to me when I was drunk a few things did but when I think of what could have happened to me It frightens me. I feel like I am grieving the loss of alcohol how ridiculous how can a glass with liquid in it be so important. when I look at it that way I can't allow it to be that important not when I have beautiful children and people in my life. i will work through my problems so I won't need it anymore. Tomorrow I'll be one month sober by choice. I say by choice because I have gone without alcohol for more than that length of time but I now choose to be sober for the next month and the next so on and so on. Its now a conscious choice and a comittment to a life without alcohol.
Comments
Congratulations on the one month, the hard work you are doin now will rewad you for the rest of your life. xoxxoxo
rebel4
You are without doubt a very smart woman, too smart to allow an outside source to control you, it sounds like you have finally come to that realisation, congratulations and keep up the good work.
BeatinBP
Congrats. A very simple decision to make every day when getting up. You are right where Our Creator would like you to be. Asking for help on living your life a good positive way. :) Peace, luv, Hair-grease. Luv new aviator; that's why suggest woman only meetings for a while.
baldrocker