WolfAngle's Journal

i've realised i have not typed in here for a while but you know how EDS goes, one minute your perfectly fine and nothing can happen for a week or so and then things turn bad but this is not my case. i have no reason for not typing in here other then not wanting to and being very worried about Kaz.

i'm not sure since kaz ended the friendship and i know she never meant it because she called me and said she was sorry but to respect what she has to do because she has to do this so she can figure out were she wants her life to be. an i said i would respect and i would be waiting for her, but i just sort of feel at loss, even though i got a call and know that the friendship never ended it and she only said it did in order to not hurt me with what ever she may be going through. she has a great fear of hurting the people she loves. so i can understand it.

i've been feeling...at lost yes but also really upset. i know why i am upset. i know the feeling will pass and it wont last forever but its going to till i know everything is alright.

i got a call from kazza's mom saying to meet her at the hospital. this was last night. of course i went, she's a good friend of mine. so i got my parents to take me. her mom looked bad. like she had been crying and she was very worried about kaz because the nurses had rushed her out of the cubical that kaz was in and told her to sit in the waiting room an she couldn't go and see her even though she is her mother. i asked why she wanted me there an she said that she thought i might want to be there, she was not mistaken. as much as kaz pushes people away she needs people, an she needs people who understand expecially people who have EDS, she may not think she does and she may think she can ignore the EDS but she cant. all she wants and i cant disagree with her is a perfectly normal life, like her friends have. live it to the full. she always laughs an smiles when she has these wicked ideas to make sure she feels like she is living to the max, lol. i'm wondering right off the topic but its hard. so i got this call from her mom like i said an we were sitting in the emergency waiting room waiting, an waiting an waiting and finally a doctor comes out an comes and says they got the joint in but she had a severe reaction to it. her whole body went in to shock, she had a mini heart attack and her bp was no more then 40/20, she had ECG, an the doctors had to keep massaging her chest to wake her up, she was shaking violently like she was having a fit even though she was no longer has them, an she screamed, god that was the worst i have ever seen her, i cant sleep because all i hear is her scream ringing in my ear. we were by her side when she suddenly screamed, her whole body went ridged, her back arched an she jsut let it rip and her muscles tightened and pulled out three of the drips she had in her an they were bleeding badly which is not good with vascular eds because our blood does not thicken at the right time so healing takes a while. we were then rushed out saying to go home and rest. now i'm at home and haven't been able to rest or sleep since my afternoon nap at 3pm. an i dont think i will be able to rest till i hear kazza's ringing voice and laughter and her talking about the energy we send out to our pets and her finding her inner peace and her words which seems to be full of wisdom far greater then she is. i believe she is a very old spirit, someone who use to be wise, someone who use to live here for years and grew wiser as they grew up. she doesn't believe in god or any of that but she accepts others who do an finds it interesting and said many times "i learn a lot even though i dont agree with it, its still interesting". she believes in the elements and finding your own peace and happiness, i'm not sure if its even a religion but she seems happy with it and thats all that matters i guess. i'm atheist so it doesn't really bother me what she believes in but since believing in all of that she's become happier in her self and that so its got to be good if thats the case.