Back in May found out I had pre-cancer …
Back in May found out I had pre-cancer cells of the cervix. Had a leep done and biopsy said it was borderline... In …
Join Now
seriousblack 
8:59pm, September 4, 2009
today I must goto my job and sit with the HR director. I am in the process of transfering stores so i can work in a smaller environment. I hope this will help me regain some of my mental footing without resigning, or as i know better; feeding into my need to corner myself back in my room and fortify. This is my agoraphobia talking to me.... always I am trying to rip myself from my abode, it is painful. My desire to stayin right now is so strong that work is becomng a catalyst for my illness to flourish.
At work though I must go in today as i said. This concerns a Slanderous Gossip that is floating among 600 employyes about me. This is not opinion; it is a false tryth about me. A private piece of information about me has been reverse and now has come back to me a year later. I don't get people. I maybe a little different than the average person here in WNY, maybe even strange to some. That gives people no right to spread lies about me though. So I had told my boss finally. I had to since last Friday I had nocalled/noshowed after a major Panic episode; now work has become a classic trigger for attacks. Needless to say my boss wants me to talk to HR and my Therapist too. WTF?! I to one degree hate this. I would prefer to just go to the new store and wash my hands of this. This though is very sensitive in nature because it has to do with Sexual Harassment. I had a man stalking me from another department. I had to eventually go a speak on this to management. Horrifing and Embarassing BOTH that was. Well I had forgotten till a person enlightened me as to the gossip was that I had stalked the man and had to be reprimanded by mangement. This does not help and has made me extremely paranoid.
BLERG! I don't want to get mixed up in this, people will have to go to the office to explaine themselves. I can't take that kind of pressure at work. I hate the Side Eye and I have been thinking that I had been seeing it a lot from people at work; thought it maybe just a symptom of my illness. Now I am freaked out because a lot of the fisheye was probably right on.... Why do people talk crap about other people, or people that don't understand? I don't get it.
Iam working so hard at taking all this medicine and going to therapy and pushing myself to get out and better. Now this curveball along wiht all the rest in the last year.... I'm exhausted.
At work though I must go in today as i said. This concerns a Slanderous Gossip that is floating among 600 employyes about me. This is not opinion; it is a false tryth about me. A private piece of information about me has been reverse and now has come back to me a year later. I don't get people. I maybe a little different than the average person here in WNY, maybe even strange to some. That gives people no right to spread lies about me though. So I had told my boss finally. I had to since last Friday I had nocalled/noshowed after a major Panic episode; now work has become a classic trigger for attacks. Needless to say my boss wants me to talk to HR and my Therapist too. WTF?! I to one degree hate this. I would prefer to just go to the new store and wash my hands of this. This though is very sensitive in nature because it has to do with Sexual Harassment. I had a man stalking me from another department. I had to eventually go a speak on this to management. Horrifing and Embarassing BOTH that was. Well I had forgotten till a person enlightened me as to the gossip was that I had stalked the man and had to be reprimanded by mangement. This does not help and has made me extremely paranoid.
BLERG! I don't want to get mixed up in this, people will have to go to the office to explaine themselves. I can't take that kind of pressure at work. I hate the Side Eye and I have been thinking that I had been seeing it a lot from people at work; thought it maybe just a symptom of my illness. Now I am freaked out because a lot of the fisheye was probably right on.... Why do people talk crap about other people, or people that don't understand? I don't get it.
Iam working so hard at taking all this medicine and going to therapy and pushing myself to get out and better. Now this curveball along wiht all the rest in the last year.... I'm exhausted.
UPDATED GOALS
not drink alcohol
Progress 10%
Encouragements: 0
Add your supportYou might also like ...
Yesterday 12-14-06 went to work …
Yesterday 12-14-06 went to work but had to leave early as I just felt like I was gonna fall over with my heart racing. …
well all seemed okay this morning …
well all seemed okay this morning till about 9:30 am I felt a little strange thought it was from the medications so I …
