Journal

For 2 days now my husband's blood pressure has dropped to 60/40.  Yesterday he was so pale.  He heart rate is regular so I don't think it's from his anuerysm leaking.  He could just be shutting down and his is going into system failure.  He gets a little weaker each day.  I am glad he is back home.  It was so hard to place him in the nursing home last weekend.  I did get a lot of rest but I'm still so tired. 

It is so hard to let go but this is his path to walk and his choice when to go.  I am trying to make him as comfortable at possible.  So it goes one day at a time. 

Had to put my cat to sleep this morning.  She was barely breathing but was in pain.  She went peacefully. The Vet said there was nothing that could have been done.  We will bury her in our pet cemetary tomorrow.  She was my baby and I will miss her very much.

As I take care of my husband during his transition period, I find I am faced with more loss.  My Mom died in January and she was my support.  Today I had to go and pay her funeral bill.  I had to place Ricahrd in a nursing home on Saturday because I had pulled a muscle in my back, possibly fractured my knee and was exhausted.  I have slept for 4 straight days except for a dr. appt.. the acupuncturist, and the chirpractor so I'm, ready to bring Richard home tomorrow. 

When I got home I found my Gray Girl in the back bedroom closet unable to move.  She has turmors on her spine and it hurt her to move.  She refuses to eat or drink and has lost control of her bladder.  I finally got her comfortable on a pillow on my bed and wrapped in a blanket. If she makes it through the night, I will have to take her to the vet to have her put to sleep after I get Richard home.. 

I am so sad but she had lived a long life.  She was very special and she still like to nurse. I used to have to lay my night gown out on a  pillow so Richard could put his arm in it so she would nurse if I had to be away from home.