lilmomsie's Journal

Yesterday was  little better.  I saw my gyno on Thursday (hubby went with me, he was off) we talked about my going to a therapist and she helped me choose one.  We also discussed the prospect of my going on meds. Not looking forward to that but if I keep feeling the way I was feeling at the beginning of the week I don't know what else I would be able to do.  From time to time my own home doesn't feel like a safe place any more. At least not when I am by myself.  Yet it is the safest place I can be.  I started reading my "Agoraphobia for Dummies" book again and I found a few more helpful hints, like watching out for "worry words" which include extremeist words, judging words, victim words and black or white words.  For example if I were to say, "it felt really horrible, I just couldn't handle it!  I really need to examine how it really felt and perhaps change that statement to "that was uncomfortable, it was hard to handle it."  something like that anyway.  I have also went back to the relaxation chapter and have started practising some of the relaxation techniques.  I hope they help out.  I think that they will just knowing how to practice and how good it feels when I am totally relaxed makes me feel a little better.  I am also trying to give myself positive self talk.  That's not to say that negative thoughts don't creep in now and then and that I don't feel frightened when I have the negative thoughts but I do try to change the negative into a positive when the negative does occur. 

     Yesterday my hubby was back at work but my daughter was off of work and she lives right down the street so that was comforting I guess because I felt really comfortable yesterday morning.  When ever she is off we usually go out together for a least a little while and we did that yesterday.  I felt a little strange, not panicky or anxious but just not totally right.  Of course the fact that I had some sinus pressure and I was feeling tired and a little dizzy didn't help much.  I guess it's allergies.  All in all it was a pretty good day though.  My appetite came back too.  Not that I need my appetite because I could stand to lose at least 20 lbs and then the doctor would still think I was over weight.  It does feel good to be able to eat again.  Hubby had to work today (that's why he was off Thrusday) but my daughter and my son are both off today.  My son lives with us and he's still sleeping and I haven't heard from my daughter yet cause it's really early but I still feel good besides this unrelenting sinus pressure.  Hubby is off tomorrow and he will be off again on Monday because of the 4th of July holiday.  Since the 4th is on a Saturday this year they give the employees another day off in recognition of the holiday but for some reason instead of giving them the day before off, they gave him the Monday before.  Doesn't make sense to me but oh well.  While I enjoy having my family home and around me becuase I feel more relaxed and I have things to do I am usually wary when I have that many people around me so many days in a row because eventually they all go back to work again and once again I am alone to deal with all the agoraphobia alone again.  It's just a little more difficult when I have safe people to rely on a bunch of days in a row instead of maybe just a weekend at a time.  Ah well,  I am feeling better today and I am happy with that.  I intend to practice my relaxation techniques and my positive self talk and watch my worry words and I am counting on those things to help me feel better.  That and prayer!  Lots and lots of prayer.