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Overwhelmed1203 
10:00am Thursday
August 31, 2009
Dear Mom,
Where are you? It's a question I've been asking myself for one year. One year ago tomorrow I watched you go to God. One year ago tomorrow your suffering stopped. One year ago tomorrow I lost my best friend, my kids lost their grandmother, my Dad lost his wife.
I really don't need to ask where you are, I know you are with God. I know you are at peace and in no more pain. I also know I haven't been sure how to live without you. I pray you are able to watch over me. I pray you know I love you. I pray you know I miss you. I especially pray that you know I could not have asked for a better Mom. I have no regrets about our life together. My only regret is we did not have enough time together. Even if you lived until you were 100, that still wouldn't have been enough time.
I wonder why a lot. You breaking your ankle, landed you in the hospital and in just 3 short weeks you gone. Your cancer had spread so quickly. Then 8 weeks later cancer invaded my life again, this time it invaded me. I wonder if God took you because He didn't want you to see my cancer. It would have been hard for you to see, yet I wish you were here to take care of me. Maybe God didn't want you to be sad and He wanted to see me become a stronger woman, a woman as strong as you.
I've gotten through a round of chemo. A round I thought I could not do. I wonder how you did it. I'm sorry if I didn't do enough for you. I knew cancer was bad, but I had no idea until now what you went through. I'm sorry I didn't do enough.
I will think of you all day tomorrow. I will carry you next to me. I will always love you and some day will be be together forever. Watch over me, love me.
You're always in my heart,
Chris
Comments
Oh, Chris, this brings tears to my eyes! What a beautiful relationship you had with your mom. I truly know how you feel and could have written much of this about my own mom. It's been 14 years for me and though it does get easier, you will always miss them. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow.....God bless, sweetie!
veeachjay
Your mom is watching over you every day. If she is not your guardian angel then she is right beside the being who is and making sure you are protected.
Belcat
What a lovely journal! Your mother would be proud. I hope you can hang on to the thoughts about your mother being in a place with no pain and suffering. I hope you realize this experience is making you aware of a strength you never realized you had. Stay strong. Find joy. Allow yourself to grieve. Loss of a parent is hard.
2DanceAgain
Hi Chris, I just read your response to LaraB and then read your profile. I am soooooo sorry for all that you've been through & all that you are going through now. Last year I lost my father to lung cancer & two months after he died, I lost my mother to pancreas cancer. It has been an awfully lonely year without them. I pray that you will have a speedy recovery and that your mom is watching over you with every step that you take. Unless someone has experienced it for themselves, no one can truly understand how GREAT A LOSS it is to lose your Mother. They will forever live in our hearts.
Bone2110