TripletmomNtwo's Journal

What di you do when your end the end of your rope? Hanging on by a little thin peice that has unraveled from the strength of the rope. I keep trying to climb back up and keep sliding back down. Im not sure how much longer the strength of my ownself can hang there. Im tired very very tired. No one seems to care no one seems to even want to listen. I have reached out as much as I can for help. I have learned that there really isnt any, there is no one. I feel like I am trapped in this sad, painful, lonely,emotionally hurting body and that there is no way out. I have been trying to do my best to be there for everyone and for everything. I have been doing the house work,cleaning,cooking,laundry,and more. I have pushed and pushed myself. I fear that I have pushed myself beyond my breaking point. I have this pressure inside that feels like it needs to just burst out. I need to cry and yet I cant. I am becoming apart of that monster that clings to you and sucks the life right out of you every moment it gets. I feared that! I was so scared that I would get sucked into the monsters own depressing, sad, hateful, angery, hurtful, not a care in the world about anything or anyone little world of hopelessness. I am fighting as hard as I can to get out!!  Why is this happening? What is going on? Why have I lost myself? Who am I? Thats the best question of them all..... WHO AM I? What am I about? What Kind of person am I? I dont even know or remember anymore. I really feel Like I am about to give up the fight. How much more of all this can I take? At one time I believed that I was a strong woman. One that can take and endure everything. One that was proud of who I was, what I had become, the person I had worked so hard at getting back along time ago. But once again I have been sucked back into the mosters world and have fallen to peices. I PRAY THAT THIS GOES AWAY AND I CAN FIND MYSELF ONCE AGAIN.