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TripletmomNtwo 
5:42pm, June 16, 2009
UPDATED GOALS
I am ready to just give up!
I feel like a worthless failure of a mom. My boys Dad and I are divorced and we share the children 50\50 However my boys are starting to not want to be with me. I cant do everythng that they want me to do and I cant afford everything that they want. Last night I found out that my boys father and GF went out and bought them all new 4 wheelers and a camp trailer. besides all the other stuff they get ob a daily rate. They spoil them like crazy. I know love is more than money but how to I explain that to 8 years old boys. I cant! They only see that their dad and gf does all this stuff for them and with them and mom cant. Recently over the last month they have been wanting to stay with their dad more and more. It brakes my heart. I really do try the best that I can to do things with them and to afford to get them the things that they would like to have. I dont have a job right now and they tell me their dad said I was a worthless bitch and that my sickness is all in my head. Hmmm ok. So my boys now say to me why dont you get up and get a job mom? So we have more money to buy things like their dad does. I know its not their fault its their dad talking. He has been turning them against me. I hate it! It has destroyed me! I also have no support here at my home, and I feel like maybe everyone would be happy and better off if I was gone. I dont want to sound selfish but I truly feel that maybe everyones lives would be better if I just wasnt in it. There really is so much more going on but I am going to stop for now. I need to try and take a breather........
Comments
What di you do when your end the end of your rope? Hanging on by a little thin peice that has unraveled from the strength of the rope. I keep trying to climb back up and keep sliding back down. Im not sure how much longer the strength of my ownself can hang there. Im tired very very tired. No one seems to care no one seems to even want to listen. I have reached out as much as I can for help. I have learned that there really isnt any, there is no one. I feel like I am trapped in this sad, painful, lonely,emotionally hurting body and that there is no way out. I have been trying to do my best to be there for everyone and for everything. I have been doing the house work,cleaning,cooking,laundry,and more. I have pushed and pushed myself. I fear that I have pushed myself beyond my breaking point. I have this pressure inside that feels like it needs to just burst out. I need to cry and yet I cant. I am becoming apart of that monster that clings to you and sucks the life right out of you every moment it gets. I feared that! I was so scared that I would get sucked into the monsters own depressing, sad, hateful, angery, hurtful, not a care in the world about anything or anyone little world of hopelessness. I am fighting as hard as I can to get out!! Why is this happening? What is going on? Why have I lost myself? Who am I? Thats the best question of them all..... WHO AM I? What am I about? What Kind of person am I? I dont even know or remember anymore. I really feel Like I am about to give up the fight. How much more of all this can I take? At one time I believed that I was a strong woman. One that can take and endure everything. One that was proud of who I was, what I had become, the person I had worked so hard at getting back along time ago. But once again I have been sucked back into the mosters world and have fallen to peices. I PRAY THAT THIS GOES AWAY AND I CAN FIND MYSELF ONCE AGAIN.
Comments
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Hey there,
Jade Please know your not alone.. I know we all have different struggles, I could only imagine what you have to go though day to day..
But you have your children and they need there mom and even though life seems useless and you want to though the towel in.. Sometimes it easier to just give up but you will be starting over from all the hard work you have tried to acomplish etc..
I too pray that all the frustation and pain (physical and emotional) goes away..
Here if you ever want to talk,
Hugs, Michelle
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You're not alone. I'm here for you, along with many other caring people on this website.
I care about you and I can understand a lot of what you are going through. Sometimes it's just needing to talk about it with someone who can really understand. So, whenever you need to talk. I'm here. I've found it helpful to journal on this website. In fact, this website is what saved me last year! I was so down, so lost, so scared, so misunderstood, so ALONE and somewhat suicidal too.. then I found dailystrength. Having all these people to go to for advice and just to talk to didn't fix everything, but it sure made me feel like at least I had someplace online to go to and people to turn to that would be there for me and KNOW what I was going through.
Past Entries
| April 2009 |
Wednesday, 4/15
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Goal Updated
no no no.....dont go away everyones lives, mine included would be destroyed, u are the nicest, most caring person, ur kids they're young, and ur ex is such a kshdfklsjasls he shouldnt be telling 8 y/o that he sooo stupid! remember ur boys love u, they just like the toys, im sure if they lived with ther dad the toys will get less and less because he'll be paying for everything else, like u are now
Itzjustme
Oh my god that's dreadful I'm so sorry. Sounds like the boys would be better off with you all the time without their father filling their heads with his ignorance. Is there someone neutral who can talk to your ex? They will come round as they get older, young children tend to be materialistic but they will learn and appreciate you all the more xx
MadeofIron
Jade... Don't let your ex get the best of you!! You need to keep reminding yourself that your the better person, It sounds as though your ex is a boy himself if he is going to down play you!! That is not fair to you or the boys, In time the boys will relize what there dad is doing and go against him later!! Your doing the best you can and that is all you can do.. Your very importent to your family and friends so you would be a failer to us all not just yourself...
I could only imagine what you've been though and are going though today but don't let your ex take what is left from you!!
Hang in there..
Lots of hugs, Michelle
Michelle2
bear hugs Jade, i'm sorry your ex is trying to turn your boys against u. trust that the bond u have built with your sons is strong enough to counteract any negative overtures your es is feeding them. one day soon they will understand y u are not able to do everything your ex does for them. all the things he does for them r superficial. big, shiny, new things will only wow them for so long. keep battling.
bear hugs
robert
robertbm