Lilone57's Journal

Why do I even care?????? I've asked this so meny times, I lost count. I cut my mother out of my life because she hurt me and I didn't want myself or my daughter around her lifestyle. I didn't come back into her life intil she was on her death bed. She passed away 2 years this July. I was there when I knew she needed me the most. I whispered in her ear that I forgave her for everything she did. I had one hell of a time even coming to her bedside... because for years I needed my mother and she wasnt there....only to be there when she wanted something. My frame of mind was...she didn't care, why should I? I would scream this over and over again. The anwser is.... I care because she is my mother.

Now I find myself asking this question again with my brother...who has turned out so far just like our mother. He drinks too much and decides he wants to try and kill his little sister in a drunkin rage simply because of shit our mother did to us as little kids.....beyond our control....Now my brother is locked away (thank god) in a mental hospital because he tried to kill himself. When he went to jail for what he tried to do to me.... I plead with the judge to get him help because HELLO IF HES BEEN DRINKIN, HES A THREAT TO OTHERS AND NOW GUESS WHAT A THREAT TO HIMSELF?!?!?!?!?!?! but no they let him out with a slap on the hand onto the streets, homeless.........whats the first thing he hit when he got out.....a bottle..... The next thing I hear is he has tried to kill himself... Our dad is coming up from California tomorrow.... 2nd time in 2 months to help him out. I agreed to help my dad with whatever he needed me to do.... But again...... I'm asking why do I care?????? He didn't care when he was going after my life in front of my daughter.... once again, I care because he is my brother... I feel hopeless and confused...