AngTh's Journal

Today I left the house for the first time in a week. I would like to say it was to just chill and relax but I had to leave and go get my nephew. He got caught skipping school and there was no one available to go get him. When I got there he was being a true turd just acting like he was freaking invincible. Like nothing was wrong. My sister never called me or even answered the phone when he called her. I have not spoken to her since she called two days after Lindsay died. I panicked thinking I would have to see her face to face. My stomach did somersaults and I wanted to throw up. I kept thinking if she talked to me I was going to kill her. I want to slap the hell out of her so badly. I keep reliving the day we fought. I know she probably doesn't feel this way but in my mind I see her being happy that I lost my child. Just last night I had a nightmare where I kept reliving my pregnancy only forit to end the same way each time. Every single time Lindsay died in a different way. I  woke up crying and threw up. I am so tired. And now this!

My mother is driving me freaking nuts! She rode with me and was yelling and complaining the entire time. She kept saying how much we needed to place my nephew in juvenile. But she is the one that is constantly defending him everytime he gets in trouble. Talk about feeling OVERWHELMED! My neice came over to the car since I wouldn't get out. She cried when I saw her and kept saying how much she missed me and how sorry she was about the baby. it took everything in me to make it back home. My mom is still here but she is getting ready to leave in a minute. She will be back in the morning when she gets off and I am dying inside. I want to get the hell out of this house, away from my phone, away from my family,away from me. I have not felt this intense need to just break down since I left the hospital. I need help! I am so frustrated right now I don't know how to handle it.