Journal

I feel kind of stupid... I haven't been on in a long time and in all honesty, I basically forgot all about this site for something like a month and a half.  :(  So, when I need help, I come back.

I joined a new group for Codependency because I think I am on the brink of driving my husband crazy.  :(  I feel like I need to just leave him alone.  That's me for ya, when I think I am doing something too much I want to go in the total opposite direction.  I am constantly bugging him for attention.  I wish there was a way to stay married but not make him deal with me.  I'm feeling fairly pathetic right now. :(

I don't really feel horrible, but not great either.  I have a headache.  My stepdaughter had kindergarten graduation today, and it was fun and all, but I just wasn't feeling well.  I hate being around my husband's ex. She just totally bugs me.  I also don't want to be rude, so I saved them a seat and then regretted it the rest of the time.  She just totally irks me.  I want us to get along, but I just cannot stand her.  One minute she is saying she wants us to be friends and two sentences later (literally) she wants to separate our families.  She makes no sense at all.

So, I am pulling my kids out of school.  Having our families too close bugs the ex, so our kids can't go to school together anymore.  It breaks my heart.  That is the whole reason we moved 400 miles from home, so our children could grow up together.  But, the ex doesn't like it.  She is selfish, but tries to make it look like she is doing the right thing.  I just have to roll my eyes and avoid her whenever possible.  Luckily there is only one more day to really have to deal with her.  Then it will be summer and I will have little to no contact with her, my husband can deal with it.  

I think one of the things that bugs me the most is that I am the one who is singled out.  She is remarried also, but makes sure that the kids consider their stepdad as their dad.  So they have 2 dad's.  In my eyes that is completely wrong and confusing to the kids, but she says otherwise, and unfortunately there is nothing we can do about it.  On the other hand, the kids don't call me Mom.  My husband and I make sure that they respect their mother.  So, it is always clear to them that they only have 1 mom and she should be the most important mom.  But, we aren't allowed to tell them they only have 1 dad.  So, the 3 of them are raising the kids and I am left to cook and clean and drive them around and take care of whatever they need done while they all get the love and respect.  Sure, the kids "love" me, but they couldn't care less if I were around.   

I am just feeling sorry for myself today I guess.  I didn't get much sleep and I am so tired.  I have a horrible headache now as well.  

I promise, I have good days!  It's just that, on my good days, I am outside playing or busy with other things.  It's only my bad days that I feel I have nothing better to do than type.