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chinchinchicorytoo 
1:05am, June 11, 2009
Okay, so I will be the first to admit that I have had a horrible day.
I woke up at sometime around 3:50 A.M and I couldn't go back to sleep so I ordered a movie on demand.
I was barely even paying attention to the movie, I was having a mild panic attack the whole time.
I was waiting for hours for it to be light outside to help prevent panic.
Yesterday I saw a pshycologist, and she was a nice person and everything, but I felt like she just didn't get me.
I just wanted a place to talk about my problems and it seemed like with everything I said there was a judgement or a diagnosis.
Tomorrow I'm seeing a phsychiatrist and I'm mortified. I'm probably going to be put on an anti-depressant or an anti-anxiety medication.
I cut earlier and in a way I hated it but it just felt so good to release it without having a pep talk with my mom and her lying and telling me that everything will be better soon, because I know it won't be.
I honestly considered killing myself earlier.
I looked at a bottle of bayer aspirin and poured it into my hand and considered swallowing the pills.
I really regret telling my mom about the abuse.
It seems like ever since I told her my life has been falling apart. I was devastated when I realized I was abused. I really don't want to go to anyone anymore. I just feel like shit. I feel all cried out. Lately I've been fantasizing about killing myself. I'm just so damn sick of life. I feel really guilty because my mom is spending money on these appointments that aren't even effective. I just wish I could die
It seems like the only upside is that I'll have little mosque on the prairie season 1 and 2 dvds.
