Journal

I am starting Lupron treatment this coming week and lets be honest I am nervous as hell.   All I read are horror stories about the medication.  I really hope it is worth the side effects.  The doc says that this is the best option for trying to save my fertility so im going for it.  I just hope that it isnt so terrible.  The doc said that some of his patients end up with bald spots from the hair loss... is this true?  Has anyone else heard this?   I do not know how i am going to make it through my first semester in the phd program.

I am so overwhelmed tonight.  I had my post op appt today and i thought i was fine but turns out im not.  I have regained some faith in my doctor.  I liked him alot today.  He was very straightforward and honest with me.  I am right on the border of stage two and stage three (originally he thought it would be at least stage three maybe four).  So this is kinda good news. Altough, the fertility treatment options respond better for stage three and four... so i dont know which is the better situation.

A good bit of the endo is on my ureters. I had to look it up too... (the ureters are muscular ducts that propel urine from the kidneys to the urinary bladder,  Thanks wikipedia).  This means that it cannot safely be removed.    The surgery is extrememly risky,  i could die, have renal failure, or have to pee through a bag for the rest of my life.  I agree, with these risks, surgery is prob not th ebest option; but i AM concerned about just leaving it.  It cant be good to leave the endo-- i know that much.

I also know that i will be starting Lupron in about a week.  Fun right...?  Actually, Ive done my freaking out about Lupron so now it doesnt bother me as much as it did.  My insurance isnt going to cover it so i also have to find a way to pay for a 275 dollar shot ever month... but thats another story.  I will be on it for six months.

I was also informed that i will have a extremely difficult time getting pregnant (if i can at all).  I will  be the most fertile that i will ever be a couple of months after the treatment is over. This will be around december or january.  I start my doctoral program in august and i have no idea what is going on with my long time boyfriend. 

I am most freaked out over the fertility issue followed by the fact that the dr cant operate on the remaining endo.  I have been preparing for this news for several weeks, i didnt think i would react this way..  I was fine all afternoon and most of the evening but now i am really sad.