Journal

[posted by AgentSmith in the Love Addiction group]

Posted on 02/09/09, 08:46 pm

I just read this on a treatment center's website and definitely relate to it (the love addiction part of it). 

Sex addiction has become more and more rampant in our society since the introduction of widespread pornography access on the internet. Addictive sexual disorders have distinct parallels with other addictions, commonly co-exist with substance-related disorders, and often respond to the addiction biopsychosocial model of treatment and therapy. In an anonymous survey of 75 self-diagnosed sex addicts (Schneider & Schneider 1991), 39% were also recovering from chemical dependency and 32% had an eating disorder. In another study (Washton, 1987), 70% of cocaine addicts entering treatment were found to be engaging in compulsive sexual behavior as well. If unrecognized and untreated, these sexual disorders lead directly to substance abuse relapse, and compulsive sexual behavior.

Sexual addiction and childhood abuse are connected to a frightening extent. According to experts (Carnes, 1991), over 80% of sex addicts were abused as children. Such abuse distorts an individualâ??s perception of sexuality, leading to a warped view of sexual norms and desires. The criteria for a diagnosis of sexual addiction include an extreme preoccupation with certain sexual activities, continuation of sexual behavior despite negative consequences, and a sense of a loss of control over sexual behavior. The central facet of sex addiction is the process of acting out where the individual becomes squarely focus on achieving the sexual conquest or release. This intense form of extreme indulgence is characterized by a loss of control over the frequency and the duration of such behaviors. Acting out behaviors run the gamut from obvious promiscuity with countless partners to solitary acts like compulsive masturbation, voyeurism and exhibitionism. Other patterns of addictive sexual behaviors include seductive role sex, anonymous sex, paying for sex, trading sex, voyeuristic sex, exhibitionistic sex, and intrusive sex. Further extreme forms include pain exchange (sexual sadism and masochism) and exploitive illegal sex (pedophilia and bestiality).

Factors in the diagnosis of sex addiction include the following: 1) neglecting obligations such as work, school or family in pursuit of sex, 2) frequently engaging in more sex and with more partners than intended, 3) consistently buying and looking at pornography in magazines, videos and/or on the web, and 4) becoming demanding about sex with your partner, particularly in regards to time and place. Although these are just some of the factors involved, sex addiction is a deadly behavior that can destroy families, careers and relationships. If you feel badly about and hide aspects of your sexual behavior from your partner while being consistently preoccupied with obtaining sex, then sexual addiction is a definite possibility and you need to obtain help and treatment. Wonderland understands the raging fire sex addiction can fuel in a clientâ??s life, and we have extensive experience helping clients overcome this disease.

Love Addiction consists of three components: Romance, Relationship and Sexual Addiction. Love addiction is often perceived to be "less serious" than other process addictions i.e. compulsive sexual addictions, eating disorders or self-harm/mutilation addictions. Perhaps because it sounds "softer." In reality it is extremely painful and can be very dangerous to both the addict and their partners. Many suicides, murders, stalkings, rapes and other crimes of passion have their roots in this addiction. Our culture has traditionally glorified love addiction with the notion that we fall in love and live "happily ever after." This ignores the groundwork that relationships require. Many love relationships depicted in the media are really love addicted relationships.

Love addiction is characterized by emotional dependency and an almost instant romantic attachment with another person. All romances go through the bubble period where everything seems perfect and the other person can do no wrong. With love and relationship addicts, this bubble is blown out of proportion, dominating constantly their thoughts and feelings. The sudden rush of romance, the high of believing they are in love, becomes the dominant form of expression in a love addictâ??s life. They become convinced that their perfect partner is waiting for them and they can discover the ideal romance that is lurking in the proverbial wings of life. Once they begin a relationship, if it lasts for any reasonable period of time, the love addict quickly enters into the mode of desperation fueled by an obsessive-compulsive desire to possess the other person. This need becomes so overwhelming the love addict believes they cannot live without the love and constant attention of the other. Their emotional volatility takes control of their lives, wrecking boundaries and spiritual equilibrium. In the harsh lens of love addiction, the addict warps the human desire for intimacy as their emotions become a bottomless pit of blind desire.

Healthy intimacy is defined by more than just romantic attachment and sexual relations. A good relationship brings new insight and awareness to the individual as they learn to value another human being as much as they value themselves. But love addicts have difficulty ever being alone, and they consistently choose partners who are abusive or emotionally unavailable. They miss out on the major events of their life in regards to career and family as they constantly seek out the next romantic high. When they lack a relationship, they feel desperate and alone, but when they are in a relationship, they swiftly become miserable and detached. With a basic inability to have a healthy relationship, they mistake their self-centered romantic intensity for the reality of love.

Wonderland realizes the difficult position love addicts find themselves in as they exist in an emotional world of constant desperation. Dominated by the fear of being alone or being rejected, they never find a comfort zone in or out of a relationship. Caught in an endless web of false romantic intrigue, they end up leaving a path of destruction in their wake. Recognizing the severe emotional, physical and spiritual implications of love addiction, Wonderland is ready to help the addict walk the path of recovery. Leaving the delusions of overblown intimacy behind, the client can achieve emotional sobriety.