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Jay13 
Our lives are defined by Firsts. Our first word, first step our first date and kiss and our forst time. Through out our lives we are bombarded with milestones and firsts, and photographs will never let us forget our first date, especialy now with digital cameras, but what if you could never SEE your daughter or son grow up, sure you'll be there, like a third wheel. Is it not a daddys job to help get his daughters first car or driving lesson? If not job then privalige, I have been denied!
Never will I see my daughter again in a dress running through our backyard chasing butterlies or see her off on her first date. I will be there when she graduates from high school and college yet I can see the smile on her face. If she marries, I would never see her dress nor see my grandchildren. Where is the justice in that?
Does this mean my own definition of life has been taken away from me when I went blind in the prime of my life. Yes I did have a full life before this, I traveles and was lucky with things, yet I worked hard and earned most of the purks. Then why would this happen? None of my direct family has bad eyes, they do wair glasses but all can read the newspaper with them.
Should I find God? I always had a stand-offish relationship with any religion. There has been o many trails and hartships within my "shprt" life for me to believe in a higher power. As I write this I think about THE question, what would you ask God if you had the change. One and just ONE question. I have heard people say "I would ask. why" I can hear him/her go " Why what,next" I picture God in that respect as the Jinn in the bottle, your question needs to perfectly formulated and grammerd and spoken as not to get burned/ Frankly I do not see my self smart enough to do that, so it might be better as not to meet him.her.
I do respect people who find comferd with in the bible and his word, I need to feel respect for what can I offer as a counter wait? What you can see can not been real? Weel I can not see anything, does that all make it not real? It feels that way...
There are countles beginnings on my path, I have grabbed my self by the balls and slapped my self in to the subhuman shape that I uphold before to go and plow on. That is what I am doing now, my loving wife and daughter are there to be taken care off. One of those beginnings is today. taken mu daughter fishing, summer brake is nearing its end ans we want to do some more fun things with her. Never has been fishing, she is a active one and will get bored fast so toys are packed and things are ready. I will enjoy it as I would if I could see her face when she catshes something. That has been robbed from me, stolen in the night.
I have given uo my art project, no more songs for me....just darkness..where is that trai.
All of this makes me feel even worse towards my wife and daughter. They need not to have a depressed father or spous. Yet this is me, whining, self centered and with no spine to mention.
