natalie119's Journal

I will have to make this brief! (library internet doesn't give me much time lol) But i have to say that i am extrememly content with how my life is right now. I'm still sober and i got to 2 or 3 meetings a day (to some it sounds extreme but really, its what keeps me going). I got a SPONSOR! FINALLY! And ive made some great new friends in AA and at first it was akward and i felt uncomfortable with the people ther. But as i kept going to more meetings, the more they introduced themselves, and opened up to me, made me feel more comfortable to open up to them too! The only rut that I'm in is not finding a job. BUt since my spirituality has grown i have been able to trust my higher power and live on faith. I know that if i want it bad enough it'll happen. I probably sound a little preachy but the only thing i can suggest to people out there that want to change. GO TO MEETINGS! GO TO MEETINGS. GO TO MEETINGSS (hey its only a suggestion lol) Really it was hard to make myself go and to be honest i didn't truly feel comfortable until after my 7th or 8th meeting. But having someone to call, hearing other peoples experiences helped me. I know that im not god, im not perfect, but the fellowship of AA/NA/Alanon is just a way of living. And to be honest i like the way of living through the steps. I like the idea of going to a meeting knowing that no one there is going to try to make me believe in the god that they believe in. Thats such a great relief! Its made me a happier person to know that i have the coice to live a good life. And i can't deny that things are still hard. They are always ggoing to be hard times, but at least im not using weed as my crutch. At least i can remember things better, lose my paranoia, not feel quite AS self concious as i did when i smoked. I thought that because i'm technically not al alcoholic that i should be going to AA. BUt i learned that Alcohol, weed, coke, whatever the drug of choice is, its addiction. The people ive met in AA are trying to cope with their addiction. I am an addict. I can admit that now. And i know that with the help of these meetings, i can be reminded that i can't dwell on the past and the hurt that i've done before. The past is the past and i'm living in the now. I take it one day at a time. I can't promise myself in 1 year that i will still be sober, but i do know that i for today, i DECIDE TO STAY CLEAN. Just for today. I really love all you strangers out ther and with you the best of luck with your problems. Whether you have deepression, substance abuse, family or friend of an addict, whatever reason your here on daily strength, know that there is a better way to live. And it doesn't matter whats happened in the past, you are capable and deserve just as much as everyboy else to have a good life. AMEN TO THAT! lovve ya PEACE!

47 DAYS SOBER.