azanne's Journal

I was invited to Mothers Day by the girls I had been a NANNIE too....was hesitant about accepting invitation but glad I did....

I FELT KIND OF RESPONSIBLE FOR THE GIRLS FATHER...(Scott)...getting involved in the drug world.....HE HAD BEEN A HEAVY DRINKER BUT A FUNCTIONAL FATHER TILL HIS WIFE ,MONIQUIE....SEPERATED.....his concerns of keeping his family together is how I  got involved.....started out as housekeeper and WHEN no one able to watch girls while Scott went to surgrey ..(that was in Jan. 1997....christina was 10 then...) his other two daughter was younger and there grandmother took them to California.....Christina was a hand full and was to stay with Scott to help him back on his feet....THAT NEVER HAPPENED...

SO MUCH HAPPENED IN SO LITTLE TIME...NEXT THING I KNEW I GOT IN TROUBLE WENT TO JAIL...

I never lied or hide who I was ...kept my promise not to bring my world there to his house and girls....but soon to reality of his dark secrets and my unablity to see how I was being monipulated by him and NEVER HAVE I SEEN A PERSON GO FROM A LINE A WEEKEND AND IN LESS THEN A MONTH...DOING 16TH A DAY....HERE I THOUGHT I WAS BETTERING MY LIFE...when reality of it I was the one who released that demon he had hide so well...my main concern was his girls....since lying wasnt my best quaility....he didnt think I was able to do what was right....I had to leave situation and HE STEPPED OUT OF HIS BOUNDRIES..

LONG STORY SHORT...I GOT ARRESTED AND Scott bailed me out cause of his involvement..(his guilt of what he had done...not realizing my involvement in that drug world).I refused to play his new game of me having to help him at his distuction and he pulled his bond money back...I went to jail and then to prison...

HE never stopped and poor Christina....had to live that messed up world I protected her from...SHE TURNED OUT SO GOOD THOUGH...NEVER BLAMED ME...but I seamed to know better....I was away 4 years and she was taken to her grandmothers...Scott was in out of jail...get girls back to lose them again to an addiction he never could stay away from for any length of time...I returned on one of the up times (he would relapse and I would leave.)

Scott had distroyed him self up to that day..Aug.25 2007...his girls all scarred EMOTIONALLY but bitter towards him....they dont use drugs infact...very against them...I AM SO PROUD and THIS MOTHERS DAY was worthy of that privledge of reaching sobriety...till this day I have kept my promise ..NOT TO BE AROUND THEM IF I WAS USEING ...I finally quit ...Dec.7th2007 and got to be involved with Christina's life ...now 21 and with nice home, a 2 year old daughter and ANOTHER BABY ON ITS WAY!!! 2 weeks shy of 6months...soon to be married...A above NORMAL LIFE she has....SHE HAD AMIRED ME ALWAYS AND NOW EVEN MORE THAT I HAVE ALITTLE TIME IN MY SOBER LIFE THESE DAYS....breaks my heart to not have the anwsers she seeks (why did her dad picked drugs ...over her...her sisters )...I couldnt even be there when I was asked to be when Scott was to be taken off life suport...sigh!)

she doesnt see her dad in me...but I see me in her DAD...Rest in peace my friend...and thanks for helping me see that part you was unable to let go...SCOTT IS A MAJOR PART OF WHERE I AM AT TODAY... NOW SOBER .....