whirlwind of a day
boy today has been a whirl wind of emotions first a wake up wondering what its ging on with my brother after he went to …
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widowat39 
Today I feel so sad and down. I keep thinking of Brian. I keep thinking of his body on the couch, sitting back, mouth open, still holding that friggin bottle of pills in his lifeless hand. of the rigor mortis, of how a twenty four hour body looks. I never asked Jane what she did with the couch he died on, I could not bear to know if she gave it charity instead of taking it to the dump - the thought of anyone sitting on it makes me feel sick. Why why why am I thinking this way again? I thought I had gotten past this months ago. It has been months since the bad dreams, the bad pictures in my head went away. am I going to be seeing these things forever?
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sending big hugs your way. i found my dad taht way. he was a alcoholic and addict. i feel your pain. and i am so sorry. it burns in your memory and doesnt go away.
nightfalls1968
As time goes on you ....It will pass..Think of the good memories..... & try to move on with your new boyfriend.....Its ok to miss him & its ok to love him ..But you have a life for you & your son & you must live it ...Hang tough..Hugs Trish
greeneyes16
I am not in your shoes so I don't know exactly how you feel. I will say, that it seems like your grief is normal and probably part of the process. You seem SO strong and to witness what you have is allot and I would think it would be more not normal if you did not have these feelings no matter how long it's been. I'm sure it is a roller coaster ride. I've read some of your journals and you seem like just a FANTASTIC mom!! Way to go. I pray that you can get the images out of your head and continue to move on with your new destiny for life. Your doing a wonderful job!! Also, I'm sure you will have these images forever but I bet it will get easier and easier and farther in between in the future. In the mean time count on us to help you get through this. Hugs!!
jen0618