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widowat39 
I feel like I am on the edge of relapsing these last few days. I have a hard time focussing, I am back in mourning, back to thinking of all the crap I have been through. I need to get off my pity party and get on with it! but I am lazy about that, procrastinating. I have a dental appointment in two hours and am thinking of how to get out of it. why - I should just go and get it over with, but I dont feel like being social today. EVERYBODY knows of my husbands death, and there are always the standard questions - how are you coping, how is your son coping, etc - and I want to say to people none of your business! I want people to just say how are you, talk about something else, dont throw it in my face.
I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with it. but I cant stop thinking of him today. His birthday is coming up. My motherinlaw wants to see me this week for her birthday. And I cant stand the woman. but her son is dead and my son is her only connection to him. As a mom, I just cant be mean to a mom who has lost their child to death. So I should my respect, while I cringe inside. I promised his mom and his sister that we are always family, My son needs to know his dads side of the family. Problem is my son gets creeped out by grandma - she is bizarre person of sorts, not quite all there mentally. I wish I could cut her out of my life, but I do not have the heart to do it. she is grieving too. I just try to put off getting together and returning calls in a very passive aggressive way. And I feel like such a bitch. How do you tell this woman that her son really does not want her to be at his soccer games, that he does not want to spend time with her - I dont like hurting peoples feelings, and he is only a child, so I dont cater to it - I make him go. maybe I should not do that, I dont know. My husband grew up not knowing his dads side of the family because his mother did not deem it important after they divorced - and that was soemthing that always bothered him. so I guess I do this for Brian, I think it would make him happy to know that I am trying to get along with them, in his memory
Comments
Tough situation. I'm alot like you, putting other people's needs ahead of my own and not wanting to hurt someone's feelings. Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves, and that might include NOT attending a birthday celebration and NOT making your son spend time with her. You are not a bitch, you are a very caring person or you would not be doing something you don't want to do. You and your son need to heal, and alot of that healing comes from time spent alone. Try to explain this to your in-laws. Tell them you mean no respect, you and your son just need time to heal in your own way. This is certainly not the time to put your needs on hold, or your son's. After giving and losing so much, it's time to focus on what makes you and your son happy. The grief does come back to haunt us. We think we are progressing, only to be taken two steps back. Stay strong and take care of yourself, no one else will. Big hug, Debbie
1wngsfn
Do what feels right.It's all about you !!!!remember that..
drap
I feel your pain. But I do think you need to do what feels right to you. It sounds like a lot of your decisions are based on what your MIL may or may not be feeling. I think you need to put your feelings and your sons first and honestly I think that's what your husband would have wanted no matter the outcome. Stay strong! HUGSSSS
ddmaries