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widowat39 
I sit here in the quiet of the night, hearing the crickets, and thinking of the past. All the questions that will never be answered. Why did Brian start smoking crack? who got him into it? why does an intelligent person play with fire and decide to put that pipe to their lips? What would my life had been like if he never started using crack. I remember the first time I met him...and the last time I saw him, and think of everything in between. All these things, all these memories. I wonder what the next questions my son will have about his dad. I wonder how he will be as a man.
I also ponder about my life now. This wonderful man I am with, the man I never would have met if it were not for crack. Was my life meant to be hell, so that I could meet him and we could take care of each other? He too has known the misery of being married to an addict. And he is a better role model and father than Brian could ever have been. In a way, my son has a better chance at learning how to be a good man now.
I wonder if we are aware and conscious of things around us, the things we have left behind. Is my dog Sheena with Brian. Or have their sould more generally joined the universe and have no awareness?
Randy and Jacob picked out our new dog Odie. He is so perfect for us. He follows me everywhere, he is so devoted to me, but I did not even notice him. he is so soulful. He warms my heart and comforts my soul. It is so strange these twists on the road we call life.
Comments
Everything happens for a reason ......I'm so happy for you ..........God Bless you ..Trish
greeneyes16
I strongly believe that for some reason we are not meant to have all the answers especially to these kind of questions. This is where I think faith comes in! Personally I think Sheena is with Brian, but that's my own personal belief. I often look back too and wonder similar things. It sounds like you still grief the loss of your loved ones (I think we always do to a degree) and I think it's good for us sometimes to remember those losses so that we can make room inside of us to enjoy and be greatfull for what we have today. HUGS, love dorothy
ddmaries
Thank you for requesting me as a friend. I'm glad you found someone to treasure the love you have to give. Both of you deserve happiness. I ask the same questions you do, remembering how perfect our relationship was when we met and how destructive it became with my husband's meth use. What made him think I could handle this, along with everything else we were going through? Maybe we are meant to feel so much pain, so that we can truly enjoy that special someone when they come into our life. I've heard that good things come from bad. I don't know if the deceased are aware of what we are going through, but if they are, I hope they want us to be happy and at peace. Big hug, Debbie
1wngsfn
I wish I knew why I have been put though so much pain, maybe there is no reason for it, maybe it is just the saying shit happens. But I do know that the path my life has taken would never have been the way it is now, meeting Randy, if both of us had not been devastated by our spouses addictions and bad behaviors. I wonder if it is a roll of the dice or a greater plan set out for us, and I think I wont know the answer that in this life.
widowat39