Marilynliz's Journal

I think I need to just sit and read through all my journal entries in order....I will see ups and downs. Times when I felt full of thankfulness and times I felt miserable and mistreated...times I felt like just giving up.  I wish I had started as soon as I was diagnosed, or even before, so I could go back and laugh at my own ranting that I didn't have narcolepsy and my doc was nuts.  I would have written about my initial concern that I wouldn't be able to take care of my husband as he gets older and deals with more and more artheritis. I would have written about the fear of a "progressive disorder"...I would have written about sorrow for losses I endured due to misunderstanding...welll actually I think I did start writing about then...I have gone through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and back to visit some stages a few times...I have watched my family members go through the same stages...some still in denial...sometimes their anger was directed towards me-as mine was sometimes directed towards them...at the conference they alluded to the stages of grief in a few workshops I attended, but I think maybe they assume everyone there is familiar with it...I think they need to have a workshop about the stages of greif...and how the stages are acted out in the family as well as the individual.  I think I wrote that in an email I sent...I even have a suggestion of a family therapist I know in VA (where the next conference is scheduled) who would do a great job presenting. My "revelation" which is not a new one, just a renewed one, is that it is all ultimately about forgiveness...we go throught the stages and back and forth between them...and our friends and family do too. Ultimately we need to forgive ourselves and them for just going through the stages...that reframe could help a lot of families heal. Love to all who take the time to read this. If you do please just leave a note to let me know you did-thanks.