Jed1's Journal

Wow what a battle rehab is. I have returned doing a lot more things than I did, but still not able to walk on sticks. The specialist are very encouraging saying that I should make a good recovery, however it is going to be a long slow recovery. They say I am pushing my body to try and do the things it is not ready to do. This caused some huge struggles between us, because I got and still get very frustrated that they wont try things or let me practice things on my own. They will not even let me on the walking sticks, I have heard for the last 8.5 weeks that I am not safe, and I am not ready for them. I can't believe I went to rehab to be slowed down, I can tell you I had the wrong idea, I thought they work you hard lol. I was definately given the brakes when I got there. Hydro therapy replaced Gym workouts, I was not allowed in the gym I was so angry I was absolutely seething. I said to them I go to the gym 2hrs a day everyday, but nope I was not allowed even in there. To start with I made no progress and they were going to send me home, I begged them to keep me on and I then had 4 days to prove myself and had to meet a certain goal or I was going home. Well I met that goal. The next goal was harder again and yet I was expected to reach the goal in 3 days. Well it didn't happen, however the professor was so busy that day, she said she will have a look when she is back in 4 days time. When she returned the physio told her I hadn't reached the goal in the 3 days, I was taken into a little office and basicly told I was being sent home. I was devastated. I said so it doesn't matter if I can make the goal and the physio said well the goal was for friday and you couldn't do it. The professor said can you do it today, and I said it was dependant on how high their expectations were and what they expected at that time. The specialist then said after seeing me she was happy and set another goal, again I struggled but did it (and it was soo hard the physio (who I was constantly at logger heads with) said you are not to do it again, it is too hard and we know you can do it) so another goal was set and I didn't achieve it and so my discharge date was set. Again I was so angry, I felt like nothing more than a failure. I am assured it is not me, at that I have to learn to deal with that, and this was counselled to me right up til today when I came home. I can't help feeling like a failure, feeling like I can't get anywhere, and definately can't help they give up on you at a drop of a hat. I feel cheated and yet at the same time I am grateful for the 8.5 weeks. I know I can't blame them, but it is difficult when they constantly tell you you cant do this or try that, when you want nothing more than to try everything and keep on practising it. As soon as you wobble, you are not allowed to do it Oh my and do I wobble with my balance!!!!

So I am home and still not on walking sticks, but I don't think I am far off it!!!