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craigchome 
4:14am, October 16, 2009
Oh well, today is big move day. We leave our house which we've been in for nearly eight years and head back to apartment living.
We are downsizing from a 4 bed, 2.5 bath house on a 1 acre lot to a 2 bed apartment.
The good thing about it is we are both really happy about it. We bought this place as an investment, a sure fire bet we thought. At the time I was earning the big bucks so we could afford the cleaning girls, the garden could be sorted by getting in some mexicans by the day and just for good measure we put in a swimming pool.
Today, things are different in oh, so many ways. What was a lucrative consulting job has gone, I was laid off, downsized, what ever word corporate america chooses to use. The result is the same - no money!!
I picked some pieces of freelance work here and there, but I had specialized myself out of a job having worked in a niche field which I loved, until the rug got pulled.
It wasn't all bad, I hated corporate america with a vengance, the toadying, the back-stabbing, the politics, the fear of having zero job security. Consulting with difficult clients who thought they knew it all. The knowledge that one bad word back to the company could cost me my livelihood. then of course there was the traveling. One year I did 103,000 mile just on Delta, let alone any other carriers. Traveling began to suck.
And then I got sick. I went from being a resume printing, job seeking idiot to become a person who could not even contemplate work, let alone look for it. I had no insurance and we started racking up the hospital bills. It doesn't take long, if one has survival in mind to rack up a considerable amount of debt, with no way of ever realistically paying it back.
We decided on Chapter 7, but also knew we would leave this house. We simply couldn't afford it, couldn't maintain or look after it and I was applying for permanent disability.
With cirrhosis the way it is (unpredictable) and an uncertain prognosis we decided we would let the house go. What had started out as an affordable investment became an unaffordable millstone, dragging us further and further into debt.
Once the decisions were made, it became easy. We had our plan, our way forward, we just had to execute on it and happily that has happened. Today is our last day living here. As of later today we will be in our new cosy apartment, with no grass to cut, no hedges to trim, no maintenance to do and no expense to be paid.
So, we are closing the doors here and starting afresh in a new place and that is a great feeling. So, a little bit sad, we had a good time here. But cirrhosis changed everything and in a perverse way, often for the better.
We've learnt that the friends we thought we had melted away like a snow flakes in a desert. No emails, no phone calls, no offers of help. I would forgive them, but forgiveness is a bitter pill to swallow right now. The handful of real friends are still there, still helping, still caring, still being what one would hope friends would be.
The rest can go screw themselves as far as I'm concerned.
So much has changed in the last eight months since diagnosis, we both learnt a lot about what is and what isn't important in life. We learnt to appreciate each other, our surroundings and our real friends much, much more.
Being told you are dying has a 'subtle' way of changing the way one thinks of life. The important things and the less important. Perhaps everyone should get diagnosed with a fatal disease at least once during their lives, because it is a sure fired way of dragging your head out of your ass!!!!
So, in a few hours time, these doors will close, and our new beginning will start and it is going to be great fun. We both look forward to it with happiness and confidence that we've finally made the right decisions and the future looks promising.
Finally I will give a one finger salute to our so-called friends and move on with my bitterness and anger in tact. It is a good thing, I survive and thrive out of spite towards them, my anger drives me forward and focusses my mind on getting better.
I will survive in spite of them, not because of them!
One day they will learn what it is like to face their own mortality, I only hope for them that they have better friends than we thought we did.
A fatal disease is a cruel leveler of people.
Craig
Saturday July 18th 2009 - a new dawn and a new start.
Comments
Craig, your writing is inspiring. It is truly amazing how you can stay so positive about life after everything you have gone through and still going through. Yes, I know you are still angry with some people who you thought were friends but I hope that anger fades and you can forget these people. I am sure the move will go well for you today and I look forward to hearing about life in your new surrounding. Best wishes to you and Linda
HighlandRose
Good Luck Craig on the new adventure ahead of you. You are embracing the changes with a positive attitude and there's nothing more powerful than that. You've even found a way to channel your anger into a driving force that helps you. Eventually that anger will fade, just keep the resolve to survive.
maggie3863
You are amazing and I consider you a great friend!
klga
I don't know if I would wish a fatal disease on everyone, but you are right, it is a great leveler of friendships. The ones I have made on my short time here are my saving grace right now. I understand your bitterness, but please don't let it consume you. Life is too short, but a one-fingered salute always does make me feel better, too. Good luck, to both you and Linda.
BlakeWW
I'm sure your words resonate in the souls of all who suffer at the hands of this disease and all of us who are walking along side you. Keep the faith, my friend. Enjoy your new apartment and the extra time that it affords you to chase your dreams. The rest will sort itself out.
BtrflyEffect
Craig,
Just wanted to wish you the very best of luck! We are on an opposite path, the husband would love a house someday and he could get one with a military loan, but I would be of no help with chores and he is burdened enough :) I love apartment living...sure it's a bit restricted, but no chores, no lawn...we have a lovely balcony where me and the kitty cats can sit all day. In any event, before I ramble, best to you and yours and once again your journaling really helps me to look at things in a better light....that's precious to me.
God bless and take care
ChelseyAnn
I share the belief that when one door closes a window opens somewhere. You sound very content with your decision so I know it was the right one. Best of luck and much happiness in your new home.
Annie259
Thank you one and all for your kind words. Thanks to some great friends we are in our new cosy abode with all systems up and running! The guys turned up at 8:30 and the house was stripped of all furniture and loaded up on trucks by 9:40!!! :-) They arrived at the apartment at 10:10 and were finished unloading and setting up by 11:30 :-) An awesome day and a great start to our new life.
Linda loves the new place, it is very cosy and ideal for our needs and as they say, 'when momma is happy, everyone is happy, when momma ain't happy.....'
craigchome
I wish you lots of love and happiness in your new home. You expressed your feelings so honestly and I respect you for that. I too carry some bitterness due to a previous boss. "She did me wrong" at work as I became sicker and sicker without a diagnosis. Thanks for being so positive and thanks for sharing.
suzes
Wow Craig, you really are handling this very well and I think that is why you are able to give so much of yourself to us here that need you.
And I for one, have needed you quite a bit from you over the past few months and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel very strongly that God will bless you and Linda for all the moral support you offer all of us. And we all have had those fair wheather friends and they suck. Guess that is the only way I can put it. We end up feeling so betrayed by them when you have gone out of your way to share yourself emotionally and that is why you call them "friends" and not just aquaintances. But, that seems to be what happens way too often.
I hope you know that we would have all been there helping yall pack and move if we could have! I was not aware you were making this big change until I read your post.
I am so glad that you both like you new home. There will be adjustments but hopefully, those will be minimal since you both feel positive about your decision to move.
Take care my friend and let us know how you are doing...besides moving:)
gamgam
I am feeling pretty stupid right now! It is impressive how you are managing to forge ahead through it all and still find time to help us out! Good luck to the both of you on the new flat!
You are a champ!
wontquit
Hi, Craig Yea my father once said that if you had 3 good friends in life you were very lucky
As I get on in years I think maybe he was right. Ive had my share of the fair weather kind
Best wishes
Art
lostonrye