recovery4mom's Journal

2day, I decided to seek an online support group for myself. I have so much inside and most days I am ok, but some days (a few times month)  I cry with sadness for my Moms condition now. It is a pain that is so overwhelming and hurts that I find myself so distraught with worry. I have decided to try hard to re-focus myself and find more time for healthy things to make me feel better. More exercise, more being outside and walking at our S.Cruz beaches, Find or do hobby to occupy my free time like dance class. I do not wanna be stuck anymore and have been not enjoying Life to best of my ability since my Moms Stroke like condition and now aftermath. Its been almost 4 months and I need to begin a stepping out process for me.  I spoke to my father in length 2day and who is NOT married to my mother anymore. He is comming to visit me for 2 days this next week. He is my strong mountain and will give me insights on how to enjoy my Life more even with dealing with my mothers illness. I have to stay strong, keep healthy or I cannot be available for my monthly visits as I stay 3 days/nites and try to releive sister and step dad of my mothers constant needs. I live 4 hrs away and do work and committ to this to contribute to helping my mom and staying visual to her and her progress. I have some guilt I cannot be there to help my mother re-learn her languages, words, numbers, ect and just be visual more for her ,  but there is nothing i can do for now. 7 more years to work, then I  retire. For now i will sign off and continue more later on another day.