spyroterra's Journal

ME has had a very bad day today but she is getting a lot of good  sleep now, which is for the best. Before I left for school this morning I gave  ME her meds and made sure she took them and since she was worried about being  alone all day without me I went ahead and gave her a Lorazepam so she could  calm down and sleep. She was also complaining of her first feelings of nausea  so I gave her a Compazine as well. She was alert and OK – tired and a little  queasy but generally OK. I made breakfast for her and left that with her. I am  surprised she would agree to eat, but she said her stomach was feeling better  and she was hungry. I then left for work (late, as usual!) and remembered part  way there that I had forgotten to check her glucose level before I left. Since  I was already running late for class, I called her on my cell to remind her to  test her blood. She was in the bathroom when I called and said she would do it  and call me back. After about 15 minutes I had not heard from her so I called  back and that’s when the fun started. She could not get a drop of blood for  the test and when she was explaining it to me she started using the wrong  words and having really long pauses in her speech. Pretty soon her speech  started slurring and I could barely understand whay she was saying. I was  almost to school by this time, but the more I talked to her the more worried I  became. When I got to school and turned off the engine, the cell dropped the  call because the phone was plugged into the charger, I guess. Either that or  it just dropped the call. Even though I was running late I stayed in the car  and redialed home a few times, but every time I would redial it would go  immediately to voicemail, which meant she still had the phone off the hook.  And she had sounded so weird the last I had heard her I was really concerned  that she did not hang up the phone. I tried her Jitterbug, but she keeps it on  her desk to charge and it can’t receive a signal there because that room is  underground! After about 10 minutes I got really scared and called our  neighbor and asked her to go over and check ME. I went into school and  canceled my class and all my meetings, left a message for the dean with a  secretary and high-tailed it home. Eventually when I called home on the drive  back the neighbor picked up the phone and said she would stay with ME until I  could get there. 40 miles never seemed so long and traffic had never been so  slow as on that drive back home!

When I got there ME was virtually  passed out and her glucose level was 57! It had been 251 the night before. The  neighbor did not know what to do, or even where we kept any meds... But she  was so sweet to come over. She was sitting on the end of the bed with ME when  I got home. ME was asleep sitting up and not very coherent when I was able to  rouse her. When the neighbor first came in she thought ME was dead, she was so  hard to wake up. That was nice to hear! I guess she had to touch her to wake  her up and even then she didn’t really wake up. Terry stayed with us until I  got some medicine in ME. Thank god she was home so she could come over. My  god, if I hadn’t called home to have ME check her levels on my way in to work  she could have passed out and just never regained consciousness. I have no  idea how low her level would have gone without intervention! As soon as I got  home and saw what was going on I gave her some Glucoburst and checked her  levels about 20 minutes later and they were up. Her breakfast was still on the  bed in front of her because she was too out of it to eat, so I fed her, but  she ate willingly. I have checked her levels several times throughout the day  and whenever it got too high I would give her a little insulin. She has had 2  shots today. I don’t know if it is the combination of the chemo, the insulin,  the Lorazepam, or yesterday’s schedule (we had 3 appointments – too many for  her in this condition,) but I want to make sure this doesn’t happen again. She  is currently sleeping but when I wake her up to eat, or for meds she is much  more alert than she was this morning. I almost took her to the ER, but she was  never quite out of it enough to protest that idea. Had she not protested, we  would have gone in. I thought sleep was the best thing for her. Going to the  hospital would have been too disruptive to her if I could regulate her glucose  here. I also checked her vitals myself. Her respiration and pulse are good,  she can smile with both sides of her mouth, she knows where she is, she can  touch her nose, and both pupils are equal and reactive. She has no fever and  other than her glucose levels, everything seems to be OK now. Her breathing is  very regular and she isn’t even snoring very much, so this is good rest she is  getting. But if she becomes that unresponsive or her sugar dips like that  again, we are going to the hospital. But all seems well enough now. I will be  waking her up here in a few minutes to check her levels and have her eat a  little something for me. She also needs to drink more fluids. I think she is a  tad dehydrated.

What a really scary day! I don’t want many more like  this, but I am afraid that as the chemo (Velcade and Dexamethasone) progresses we may have some more  surprises around the corner. O goody. But we will deal with whatever we have  to in order to make sure she is as OK as can be expected. I have to keep  telling myself “It is what it is” and then deal with it. As much as I might  want to I can’t wish this away. But it still sucks and I still get scared. At  least she still smiles when she wakes up and sees me! I can’t ask for anything  better than that.

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I am writing this the next morning and have decided to look for some place like this so I won't feel so alone. Writing about it makes me feel better and it might make someone else realize they are not alone, even though it feels like it.

ME's sugar was 156 this morning, thank god! She is still sleeping. 

If you read this, thank you for caring. But sometimes just getting it ot of yourself and onto "paper" helps more than anything. Then the events just become "things" and you can be more objective. At least that works for me.