Open Journal
March 29, 2009 9:50am
Hello; most of the important stuff is on the page before this one. I generally don't keep journals, because there are many powers in my …
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meisaal
9:23pm, May 4, 2009
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About Me
meisaal
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About Me
My illness has destroyed my life, in short. I am now hoping to complete an online degree in psychology. I certainly have the background for it. Physically--besides being sick--I am small; have extremely fair, even skin; green-grey-blue eyes; and hair that is usually black, but which I fool around with. My age is usually guessed at about 20 (oily skin, hate the sun, and was born to my mother, who never looked her age, either) and I usually get on much better with people younger than I am. I was a musician, when I could work; giant bluesy singing voice. My career (Seattle area) went to hell when my health collapsed entirely. Am now looking to finish my degree, as my illness will not allow me to do scutwork or even clerical work (bad hands). My health took yet another nosedive in clerical work trade school, making the certificate I finally earned useless. Now it's a degree, and preferably a masters, since this is psychology, or nothing. Sure, I'm depressed. But I can be hilarious when I'm in the mood. Dress for comfort(not a choice, there, with what I have in the way of illnesses). Reasonably attractive. Weight wanders up and down a bit, but stays reaonable(except that one of my meds makes me gain as if I were pregnant). Write science fiction and fanfic for various TV shows. Message me and tell me about *you*! meisaal
My illness has destroyed my life, in short. I am now hoping to complete an online degree in psychology. I certainly have the background for it. Physically--besides being sick--I am small; have extremely fair, even skin; green-grey-blue eyes; and hair that is usually black, but which I fool around with. My age is usually guessed at about 20 (oily skin, hate the sun, and was born to my mother, who never looked her age, either) and I usually get on much better with people younger than I am. I was a
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Interests
Astronomy, Craft, Taoism (internal alchemical branch), internal martial arts (primarily t'ai ch'i), chi gung, counseling folks (or at least listening actively). Currently reading Plato's accounts of Socrates during the time before his execution, will be getting into the Republic next. Plan to start reaing more of my Taoist and Buddhist books of ancient and modern writers as a break from school. Yeah, so I'm weird. Shoot me.
Astronomy, Craft, Taoism (internal alchemical branch), internal martial arts (primarily t'ai ch'i), chi
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Journal
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Hugbook
Moment of Peace
Love & Hugs
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Thanks for the support!
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Superhero Status
Thanks for the journal comment. I need all the luck I can get :)
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Hug
Thanks friend!
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thanks for advice on journal comment:) my councillers with school not the doctors though and cos im 15 she had to tell my head of year (teacher) which i understand but im just worried if shes gunna tell her again :( xx
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Support Groups
Close Bisexuality
I am trapped in a place where my bisexuality must remain hidden, because my father, a homophobe, is my only source of support, since the government does not recognize my various illnesses--a neurological syndrome and a muscle disease--as disabling. I can't even have sex, because I can't do anything that...well, you know, is any fun, due to various symptoms, all of them involving pain, which is the worst symptom of all of my conditions (except the asthma). I look half my age. What a waste.
Close Self-Injury
I used to cut. I have scars in evident places, but I am so pale they're not very noticable after they turn white. I have a view about utting that's rather different; I hope it doesn't upset anyone.
Open Fibromyalgia
Treatments
- Cymbalta Working / Worked
- It was great at first. Then the pain came back, along with a truckload of side effects; the "cold" side effect, stuffy head and, in my case, a blocked ear, was the last straw. I stopped hoping that it would start workng again and dropped it. It did do helpful things besides the pain relief, having to do with my particular condition, a colonal condition I have, and definitely with sleep; but the bad side effects were just too bad to tolerate; had to give it up.
- Elavil Working / Worked
- I ended up with a DUI because of Elavil. I was on the maximum dose (which sensitized me to tricyclics) and the prosecution was trying to tell them that I must have been taking a higher dose to have the fender bender (for the other car, mine got totaled out by the insurance people). The person paying for my defense said to cop a plea, so I have a DUI on my record that I don't deserve. it would also have been cheaper to get my doctor to come and say that amitriptyline doesn't do that to people.
- Guaifenesin Not Working
- I am deathly allergic to guaifenesin.
- Heat Working / Worked
- It helps sometimes when the myofascial disease is bad, but it's not a solution; it stops working the second you remove it, it's hard to find the right spot to place it, you're immobilized while you have to be in one place to use it, etc.
- Lyrica Working / Worked
- Helpful if used with my seizure medicine, a benzodiazepine called clonazepam or Klonopin. Without it, it's effectiveness fades, but I need to be on the clon all the time anyway. Also, I have no insurance, and it's PRICEY.
- Morphine Working / Worked
- I can't take morphine. My specialist and I tried MS contin, but it just didn't work, even as wel as oxycontin, which didn't work all that well either. It did relieve pain, don't get me wrong, but it brought in a slew of unpredictable side effects. I can't take IV push morphine, either. I'll scratch my skin clean off. It's intolerable. Don't getme wrong; if I'm on the floor screaming, give me the morphine. But as a daily functionality aid, it gave a poor showing.
- Neurontin Working / Worked
- Neurontin does nothing and everyone knows it. Pregabalin, or Lyrica, was introduced to supplant it. I have no idea why doctors still prescribe it for bodywide pain. It's like a sugar pill. It does nothing, unless it has a placebo effect on some people.
- TENS Not Working
- I have seizures, and TENS gave mea massive myoclonic one, one that was painful as well as embarassing. No one has suggested it since.
- Ultram Working / Worked
- It worked off and on. Mostly off. It didn't kill any pain; it did help with sleep. If you took enough of it. Going only on my personal experience, I can't recommend it.
Open Insomnia
Treatments
- Ambien Working / Worked
- Worked for two weeks. Stopped working. The end.
- Ativan Working / Worked
- Another benzo, also addictive as hell and useless for chronic insomnia becaus they won't presecribe it for long due to the addictive properties.
- Counting Sheep Working / Worked
- Never works.
- Halcion Working / Worked
- Worked GREAT. Only problem is it's a benzodiazepine with a very short half life, and is therefore highly addictive; it can only be used a week at a time.
- Lunesta Working / Worked
- I can't get my doctor to prescribe it for me! It's in the same drug family as Ambien, but it'll work longer. And it has none of the benzo side effects. Come ON, this insomnia is intractable and I've had it from the cradle. How could it hurt me?
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Sometimes, believe it or not, but it never works in my own bed.
- Pamelor Working / Worked
- Tricyclics give me seizures, so I can't comment on this one.
- Passion Flower Working / Worked
- Useless. All herbal remedies are, with the possible exceptions of Valerian root and kava, but that's only for some people.
- Reading Working / Worked
- It amuses me until the alarm goes off, but it doesn't put me to sleep.
- Sonata Working / Worked
- Same group as the eczopiclone, I think; can't get it prescribed forme.
- Valerian Working / Worked
- Doesnt help me, but has helped some people. It's a weak GABA agonist, like a benzodiazepine.
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