Michelle5's Journal

First off I just thank the lord that the IVF worked and he Blessed DH and I with Aubrey because I am not sure what I would be doing with out her right now.  It is so hard to get through the day as of now but I do it for her.  I have started back to work which is so hard because I am working at the place where George and I met.  I think about the first time he came into the office and we talked.  We just clicked and from there on out we where together.  Then there is all the co-workers who worked with us and watched our relatioship grow and they are always comeing up to me hugging me sayng what a great couple we where.  I just want to scream when I here that.  I still think if us as together.  The other day I got the death cer and on it states that the marriage began on Dec 21 2002 and ended on April 21 2009 I broke down thinking that how could somone think that I was not married to him anymore.  In my heart I am.  I went to the DMV and when signing papers it states surving spouse which I broke down again and stated to the women working that this is how it should read and gave her a little story of what went on,  SHe was so nice and just stated to me that she agrees that you are still married and not to forget that.

I wish I did not have to come back to work so soon, but because of the one income thing I had no choice.  I have so many bills becaue of all that went on that I am not sure what I will do.  This summer was to be a great one for our little family and then in a blink of a eye everything changed.  We had a vacation planned which would have been Aubrey's first one and we where going to have both sides of the family go we also had planned to go to the zoo.  Now to think that it is all on me to do this for her. 

He was such a great dad and I am so upset that his time was cut short with her.  She loved playing with him and her face would light up everytime she heard him walking up the stairs it was the cuties.  He would get down on the floor and chase her around and she would laugh so hard that you thought she would never stop.  It just is not far.  He lived for us and only us.  He worked 2 jobs just 2 provide for us so that one day I would not have to work and that we could try for another baby.  Now it will never happen.  He was so great, I will never have anyone love me like he did.  Aubrey will never really know the type of man her dad was and what he would do for her.  I miss him so much that the tears come and come I do not think they will ever stop at times.  I know he is at peace and watching over us, but the pain is to much at times.  I still thank god for Aubrey because I could never make it with out her.  Love you babe