Michelle5's Journal

It has been 1 week since My husband passed away.  I still have not got the report on if the cancer was related to what he had 5 yrs ago.  If so I have no clue what I will do..  The drs seem to think that it does but when we had this done 5 yrs ago they told us it was B and he went for check ups every year and Nothing.  I went to talk to him at his grae yesterday which I know I can talk to him anywhere but it was nice to be there.  I cried and just talked about everything that I have to do and the little time I have to do it in.  I also talked with like I did when he was alive which was nice, because we have this way of talking to eachother that nomatter what we say to eachother it is not stuiped to the other.  I took a pick with the camrea I had in my car because in the clouds that where right above it looked like to hearts together.  I felt I needed to take the pic because people would think I was making things up or seeing things.  The hearts look just like the tattoo I have on my ankle.  Is this A sighn.  I am not sure.  I still am having a hard time getting out and going places.  work is giving me 10 days off which will be hard because my DH worked ther also and everyone there showed up for calling hours.  He was so loved.  I am going to see a Dr this week not sure what good that will do but I am having a lot of panic attacks and I need something for this.  They seem to come at night.  I just want to wake up.  he was 35 and we had so many plans for the future.  how do you move on.