Journal

I wanted to take a moment and thank everyone for all your comments and hugs over these past 6 months as of tomorrow.  I really am blessed to have so much support from people that I have never met face to face.  To think that I started on DS as a women going through Infertility and the support that I was given with that, then with pregnancy, parenting but never would have wanted as anyone would support with greif.  I do though thank God for the people on here for the support and the kind words. 

DH was a wonderful man and I know that there will be a void in my heart for the rest of my life that can never be filled.  Aubrey will know growing up what kind of man her father was and someday I hope that she finds someone that is just like him.  I think back to all his friends and family and what they all said about him to me after his passing, one thing sticks out in my mind and that is " HE LOVED HIS GIRL'S " You know that is one thing I never doubted about us, OUR LOVE FOR EACHOTHER.  Everyone always said " you 2 where ment 4 eachother " I think the biggest fight we ever had was over what we would watch on TV and I would always win.  GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!  I wish everyone could have the love that I have, even just a quarter of it. 

Well I started this out as a thank you letter so I will end it as one, again I thank you all for the kind words and the prayers.               Michelle  Brookes

Well, I talked with my Dr and he thought it best for me 2 take sometime off work and wanted to put me on some medication while I was off.  So I followed his orders and was more of a mess then I was when I started, so for 3 weeks my family and friends walked on egg shells as they said around me because of my moods.  Once I went back 2 see him he took me off of the medication that he felt was causing this and put me on welltruin and topimax seeing how I was on these before.  He also would not let me back 2 work for 3 more weeks so I am happy 2 say that the medication is helping as much as medication can, it is also making me loss weight, I have lost 16 pounds since Oct 1st.  I am back 2 work and missing my little one like crazy. 

I still have my bad momments but George is with me in his little ways.  as he was the other night for me and Aubrey.  I would like to share my storie and for those who may not believe in this sorta of stuff do not read any further.       Since his passing I have been using his baby blanket for Aubrey at night to cover up with, well now she request it by saying Da da's cover up.  This has been going on the whole time that was up until a month ago when I lost it some how.  You see the funny thing was she did not ask for it the whole time I could not find it, I looked for it the whole month a little each day and then one day just took everything apart including the bed, sheets and everything.  The bed was up in the air and everything, but still nothing.  Well that night we go to bed and all the sudden she ask for the blanket almost crying.  So I tried 2 give her another 1 of his blankets but it did not work, so I got up talking 2 her the whole time about how I would look one more time, as soon as I turned on the light and went 2 the bottom of the bed she stopped her crying.  I started looking through some bags that I had packed thinking just maby it would be in there but no go.  So as I turned to tell her I was sorry and that I would look again tomorrow right on our bed which is a queen size, in between where we lay there it was,  It was not folded but it was rounded and and fluffed up a liitle.  I tell you this because where this was at was right where I was laying and I would have been laying right on it,  there is know way it would have been there in the first place because the bed was torn apart just hours before that and then 2 see it fluffed up where I would have been laying on it.  Aubrey was laying right beside it with her hand on a little part of it eye almost closed.  I could not help but 2 cry, but was able to thank my wonderful husband for taking care of his little girl and me 2.  It took me 2 days to be able to tell this story to my mom because of the effect it had on me.  I know he is with me at times, but more with Aubrey which comforts me.