Jim72's Journal

     Hello all my friends and online family.  I have had a few good days since I last wrote in this journal.  I find myself these days fighting depression more than anything.  I have always been a person that worries more about how people think of me than living life for me. 

     My friends say that I need to live life for me and that I need to love me for me not live life for everyone els's happieness.  Some of my friends on here I have confided in and know what I am talking about.  I was raised to respect others and I cannot say I know how to live life for myself to make decisions that will make me happy because these decisions will effect everyone around me so it makes me feel like I will be hurting them just for my own personal gain.  That makes me feel like I am being selfish so I baisically said to god that I would just get through life till the time he calls me home to his glourious home he has made me in heaven.  But there is not a day that goes by that I realy like myself frankly I can't stand my self my health issues don't help anything either.  Maybe some of my friends on  here may have a few thoughts or comments of support and hope fully be able to give advice on how I can live life for me  without feeling guilty of causing others hardships in that decision.

     As for my incontinence I had a realy weird deal happen.  It has been raining alot here the past few days and at work we have to go  outside to smoke and there is a car port that there is picnic table's under well the seat had gotten wet and did not appear that way when i sat down well haveing to use diapers I did not feel no diffference till i stood up.  I  always descreatly check to see if i have any leaks and noticed that my whole toosh was wet due to the bench being wet I never knew it.  I thought for a fact that someone would say something but you know no one did.  I went to change for the last of my shift and there was a good bit of wet pants there and not one person said one word I found this reasuring that if something ever did happen that maybe no one would say anything.

   I hope all of you had a happy fourth of july and was safe.  Hug to everyone and god bless all of you.