Jim72's Journal

Hello everyone.  I had my first ever urologist appointment yesterday morning.  I have to say it was the most awkward situation I have ever been in.  As I enterd the waiting area the first thing I noticed was there was no one there under the age of 70.  I felt so out of place it wasn't funny.  To top it off the lady that gets information together you know the ones that says we need you to fill these papers out people happend to be the wife of a frind of mine from the fire dept.  All I could think about was she is going to say something to kenneth and now everyone will know my medical problem.  Don't take me wrong she isn't a bad person but I find it hard to discuss in real life what I am going through very hard.

      I was then taken to the back first thing was we need a urin sample I felt so awkward.  I bet in my driveing carreer I have gave more urin samples for drug tests than I can count but now I find it hard because I can't feel how much urin I even have.  So I looked up to god and said bub please let me fill this thing and thankfully I was able to.  So then here comes this guy the docter clearing 6 ft 3 inches walks into the room reminded me of vendiesal off the movie fast and the furious just the older version hands big enough to crush a football lol.  He begins asking these questions that I have not realy been able to discuss with many people other than in this support group and with my loveing wife.  I started to feel realy uncomfortable and out of place.  I understand that docters spend so much money on education and that they see a whole lot of issues and by no means can I sit here and say how they should do there job but please is it so bad to ask for someone that has a bit more personality a little compassion.  Honestly I feel that an ice cube from my ice box at home had more personality than he did.  He began to say what he needed to do as my eyeballs swelled to the size of silver dollers by the way he never even sat down I felt like I was going to need a neck brace from looking up at him the whole time.

      So here came his nurse and by the way at least she had a good sense of humor she placed these items of clothing on the bed thingy and said please change into these so we can do a bladder scan and in all honestey I swear to this day I heard something on the lines of a 24 gauge needle I am not for sure if he was talking about me or not but as I sat there I felt more scared than I have ever felt so out of place like a fight or flight thing was kicking in.  As she reentered the room she said sir are you ready for your scan.  I looked at her and said as comley as I could "I need to leave please".

      So here we are the next day and the only conclusion I can come up with is when I am 70 and I fit in the croud at that place I guess we will find out what is going on and maybe then there will be a docter that at least tryes to have a little understanding that there patient may be a bit nervouse scared even.  Or just maybe imbarresed.  So unless I get in a situation where there is alot of pain I will assume there is no docter that will be able to help me understand what is going on with me.

    Well thank you my friends for reading this and I hope all of you don't feel as horibal on your visits as I did on that one.  God bless you all.