I'm trying writing out my feelngs …
I'm trying writing out my feelngs for the first time, but I don't know how this will help. The only thing I …
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DarkenedSoul 
2:53am Thursday
i was looking forward to going to a convention in september - seeing all my online friends who I only get to see once a year (and this will be the last year for a while)...now i dont know. this main bunch of friends always seem to be getting on better without me...or having more fun without me...and the reason i get that is because when i'm not in on a call they all have together...they don't ask me to be added in to the call. and when i AM there, i don't talk much because i'm not great on the phone or even in person now adays (god that's a whole 'nother post)...and they dont seem to mind, or even notice most times. its like i hinder them.
i feel like some of my friends could do well without me, well - with me too, it doesn't really matter if i'm there or not...shelle, david, sharon...and then i felt this way with cait and killian too...
it doesn't happen with all my friends all the time...
and if i feel like that, it doesn't make them bad people, it just means...maybe we're not good friends. except they're such good friends with one another - is there something wrong with me that they can't be such good friends with me? it makes me feel like i'm nothing. sure we'll take her if she comes along, she might be a little fun, but if she's not it's no big deal. and then i find myself having to prove that i AM fun, and if i end up not talking much, which often i do, because i just...don't often talk, then it proves that "why should we include her" attitude. and i try to talk, but...then it feels awkward.
i never feel connected...i never do :(
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