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DarkenedSoul 
2:53am, November 19, 2009
I was diagnosed with bipolar...I was started on seroquel...the next day I slept 18 hours in a row. I'm now starting on a lower dose tonight...I hate it.
Yesterday I was stressed and overwhelmed and depressed towards the end. and today, I'm just here. I don't understand what a good day is anymore. Is it just when you're just there, or don't break down, or...I don't know...I don't exactly feel bad, but I feel horrible...and at the same time, if I had to rate my feelings between 1 and 10 I'd rate a 4 or 5...I'm so confused and don't know what to make of anything...seriously, someone please tell me what a good day is and if I'm experiencing it... do people with bipolar have stable days without medication? or am i so used to everything being shit that I'm just seeing this as stable when it's really not?
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been doing horribly completely horribly. that doesnt even cover the extent of the horribleness. have an appointment with my pdoc thursday but cant wait til then called and left a message that i needed to see him earlier. i dont like him, dont want to talk to him but i need to. might have bipolar disorder. either way i'm fucked up
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hey soul..sorry you sre doing bad..you might need meds re-worked..see your doc..and later request a new one..dont need help from someone you dont like..steps
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i was looking forward to going to a convention in september - seeing all my online friends who I only get to see once a year (and this will be the last year for a while)...now i dont know. this main bunch of friends always seem to be getting on better without me...or having more fun without me...and the reason i get that is because when i'm not in on a call they all have together...they don't ask me to be added in to the call. and when i AM there, i don't talk much because i'm not great on the phone or even in person now adays (god that's a whole 'nother post)...and they dont seem to mind, or even notice most times. its like i hinder them.
i feel like some of my friends could do well without me, well - with me too, it doesn't really matter if i'm there or not...shelle, david, sharon...and then i felt this way with cait and killian too...
it doesn't happen with all my friends all the time...
and if i feel like that, it doesn't make them bad people, it just means...maybe we're not good friends. except they're such good friends with one another - is there something wrong with me that they can't be such good friends with me? it makes me feel like i'm nothing. sure we'll take her if she comes along, she might be a little fun, but if she's not it's no big deal. and then i find myself having to prove that i AM fun, and if i end up not talking much, which often i do, because i just...don't often talk, then it proves that "why should we include her" attitude. and i try to talk, but...then it feels awkward.
i never feel connected...i never do :(
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I had the same problem with seroquel - it does make you very tired. As for having a good day, I'm not really sure. I have bad days when I can do nothing but cry, and other days when I fell hollow.....just like I'm walking through life but I'm not really here. I'm not bipolar (I was tested) but my understanding is that the meds are supposed to "mellow" you - so you don't have the up and downs. My friend is BP and was taking seroquel and lithium, but he still has bad days too. After awhile he asked to change from seroquel (he was having bad reactions) and was put on clonazepine. I think it will just take some time for your body to adjust - but let your doc know what is happening. Hugs Faith
bebu