sarasmile77's Journal

Well, my insulin finally ran completely out.  I've been out of the short-acting insulin for quite awhile and have been trying to make the long acting insulin last by taking much less dosage than I'm supposed to and only taking it every other day-the result-I feel like death.  I don't even know how to put into words how exhausted and sick I feel.  It makes all of the pain issues so much worse, too.  I know I have fibro-fog and feel a bit cloudy sometimes from menopause-but when my blood sugar gets like this-there is no comparison to how hard it is to even think straight-and to even see straight-it blurs my vision horribly. I am feeling so angry, too, because a single doctor caused this entire situation.  He blew my pancreas out by giving me too many steroid injections in my neck.  He won't admit it-even other doctors that know he's a hack won't admit it.  They all keep saying that the injections would wear off after 10-14 days and would not have caused my pancreas to shut down-and I know better-I walked into that idiots' treatment room not needing insulin-and when I walked out of it, I've had to be on it ever since.  Years I've had to be on it-nevermind that when the doctor realized I was stuck on insulin he started trying to get rid of me.  He also lied to Metlife and caused my disability to be cancelled which in turn cased my health insurance to be cancelled.  Now I have no medicine, no money no health insurance and month after month I don't know if I will have a roof over my head, food to eat, if the electricity will be turned off-and if my friends here at D.S. read this-my phone and internet will be cut off Monday if we can't find a way to pay it-so, if I'm not on this site for awhile-that is why.  Years of pain and financial hardship and stress so all-consuming I don't know what to do with it anymore and all because of one idiot doctor-I hope he rots in hell.  The thing is, is there are so many idiot doctors screwing up lives.  I have dealt with tons of them over my lifetime.  If any of them had given a shit, had taken even a moment to properly diagnose, properly treat, properly act like a human being-I think my life would have been much different.  My sister and my boyfriend have been begging me for weeks to go to the emergency room-for my blood sugar, for severe chest pain and for a bunch of masses in my abdomen-which I have no clue what they are.  I just don't want to deal with anymore stupid doctors.  I have been dealing with their garbage since I was 18 years old, that's 23 years, and all I get is grief for it.  Other than that-everything is just peachy.   I am sorry I have not been here for awhile, most days I can barely get out of bed-thats what untreated diabetes will do for ya-and that's the least of it-anyone who is told they have pre-diabetes-do what you've got to to get rid of it-avoid diabetes like the plague, people-you don't want this-trust me.  I will try to check in as much as I can-providing, of course, that I still have internet access.  Please know I am thinking of you and praying for you, please pray for me, too-I desperately need the prayers.  I also want to apologize if I sound bitter and sorry for myself-but I am feeling very bitter and very, very sorry for myself.  Tommorow is another day, yes?  Let us hope it will be a better one.  Hugs, Sarasmile