etherealmuse's Journal

After being diagnosed at 36 it is weird looking back at my life... I look back on so much of my life and all those times I was crying but I didn't know why... there was actually a reason. I know I had nothing to be sad about at the time but I just couldn't stop crying. That would lead to feelings of agitation and would result in rage outbreaks, alcohol binges, or sexual binges... I thought I was just a "bad seed" but I now realize it was my brains way of acting out. I still suffer some self-esteem issues from my past life but I feel like I have been on an upward journey for some time now... it started before I was diagnosed but has improved by leaps and bounds since. I have had to deal with several physical ailments, the death of one child and raising three others... I look at my past and I am astounded that I made it through... not unscathed but alive... I have been through 3 husbands and many failed relationships, I have managed only to get arrested once, I have tried minor drugs in my past but managed to leave them far behind, I have made some wonderful discoveries about myself, my children, and the power of faith and love... love of another is great but love of ones self is something no one else can ever really steal...