etherealmuse's Journal

I was diagnosed with BP a year+ ago... I had been seeking treatment for my ADD and for concealing for my relationship problems... My pdoc pegged right away that I was bipolar... and once I looked at the symptoms and negative life events BP can cause in relation to my own life... well so many pieces of the puzzle fell into place and I didn't feel as "crazy" anymore... the irony that being diagnosed made me feel more normal. I was put on Lamictal and Seroquel with success once things evened out (at fairly low dosage)... my relationship ended and I noticed a lot of tension and anxiety reduce... I stayed on my meds for several months and then talked to my pdoc about the weight gain side effect... he switched my Seroquel... I had an "anxiety" attack like nothing I had ever had before and I am so grateful that I was at home with my mom and son because I honestly feel I would have harmed myself... I took two ativan and some benydral to try to counter act the med... and after several hours I was feeling a little better... I went back to the Seroquel. My new fiance and I wanted to try to have a baby together so I talked with my pdoc about coming off my medications... we did it slowly and although I have some issues I have to be diligent with overall things are ok (I realize now how much my former relationship triggered)... I have been with Chris for 6 months and we are now married... still no baby due to some odd fertility issues... I will maybe give my body another 6 months and if I am not pregnant then I am going back on my medications... it is the little things like intrusive thoughts and scattered thoughts... I am noticing that there are events that I swear I saw a tangible object in a certain place and I turn around and it is not there or is some place else... this is the first time in my life that these type of events have happened (that I am aware of)... I am trying to get my mother and my husband to read a Q&A book on bipolar because it is still hard for my to explain to them my thoughts...