economygrill's Journal

 My 81 year old mother has been in cognitive decline for over a year.  The police have two documented occurences of her getting lost, once after driving to the grocery store, and recently when she was taking a walk.

Until last week, I had visited with my mom during the Christmas holiday, and then when she was hospitalized in February with blood clots in her lungs.  She was noticeably disconnected during conversations with family members.  She had neither short term memory, nor concept of time.

Her short, thinning silver hair had grown into a wild mass of tangled, yellow ringlets.  She wreaked of urine and body odor, which she vehemently denied.   Her face and stomach had grown round from a diet of vanilla pudding with melted Hershey bars, and Boost.

For months, the family has tried to explain to my mom that she needs help.  We've suggested a home health care aide, which she refuses.  My 82 year old stepfather has taken over paying the bills, giving my mom her pills, and driving her to doctor appointments.  Having insulin dependent diabetes himself,  the emotional and physical stress of living with my mom is taking its' toll on him.

Last week I went to visit my mom.  My older sister and I  planned to give my mom a good scrubbing in the tub, and to have her hair washed and cut at a hair salon.

When I arrived at her house, she had just gotten back from the salon with my sister, and she looked good. 

We talked about how to organize the "stuff" in her kitchen and dining room, and played with her pets (a Norfolk terrier and a tabby cat). She offered me some of her vanilla pudding, and we visited a bit longer.  She asked me where I was staying, and I told her I would be at my sister's house (she lives just minutes from my mom).  I assured her that I'd be back and forth over the next few days, which seemed to make her happy.  She called me by my name, so I was glad that she still recognizes her daughters!

The next morning, my sister and I sat at an Ihop while planning our day with mom.  I was relieved that my sister was able to get my mom's hair washed and cut the day before, although she had to keep it a "surprise" until they arrived at the salon.

When we arrived at my mom's house at around 10:00 a.m., she was asleep in bed wearing a filthy robe.  Of course, my mom gets up early to feed the animals, and eat breakfast, then goes back to bed.  She was obviously miffed that we had woken her up, and said we didn't know how bad depression is (her doctor has prescribed a wide range of antidepressants, all of which she claims don't work).  When we told my mom that we were going to help her with a bath, she refused and said she could take her own bath.  When we insisted, she got very agitated and said she was going to call the police if we didn't leave her alone!  My sister left the room to run the tub water, and I tried to convince my mom that everything would be okay.

Surprisingly, she got up and walked toward the bathroom, complaining that she was embarrassed, and that she'd take her own bath.  Not able to find a stopper for the tub, we plugged the drain with a washcloth, and my sister began washing my mom while I waited in the hallway.  It took the two of us to help my mom get out of the tub.  We quickly tried her off, and gave her a well worn, but clean robe to put on.  Mom claimed that she didn't have any robes to wear, but we later found a pile of clean robes (9 to be exact) and other clothes on a bed in a spare room.  I also found soiled underwear, which she had thrown in amongst the clean clothes.  We also found bags of unopened sheets, and a closet overflowing with 12 packs of toilet paper (Mom said she likes to buy them on sale).

We went downstairs to visit, and she commented on how nice and warm the bath water was!

Everything was okay.............for now.

More later.