silkspectreII's Journal

Last night was my fouth Take Back the Night and it truly was an experience I will never forget.  For so many years I have gone as a safe person, I have gone as a support, I have gone as a concerned citizen.  But last night for the first night I went for me.  I went because I had to find my voice again.  I went because I had to share my story.  I went to feel vindicated.  I went to finally let the wounds heal.

The rally was enpowering as always.  We demanded to the faces of men onlookers that it is our right to live safely and in a world where we should not have to fear walking down the streets at night.  We came together as one voice reaching out to the community to end the violence in our homes, on our streets, and in so many women everyday lives.  Many of the woman there had neve participated and we shy but no more than 10 minutes into the rally we they shouting along side with me holding my hand.  Some woman joined us off the streets.  Some men mocked us from their porches.  But through it all we stood our ground together.  With one voice we called out for a change. 

"Woman United, will never be divided."

"Say it once, say it again, no excuse for violent men."

"What do we want?  SAFE HOMES! When do we want them?  NOW!"

"However we dress, wherever we go.  Yes means yes and No means No."

"2,4,6,8, no more violence no more rape"

"WOMEN UNITE, TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!"

Once we were back at the school it came time for the speak out.  In past I have stayed and worked as a safe person, I have stayed and listened as a witness, but this year I stayed to reclaim my voice.  I listened to the woman before me, each struggling through their stories, each finding hope along the way in the group surrounding them.  And when it came time for me I froze.  I couldnt get the words out.  I cried for the woman around me, I cried for the things they have endured, and I cried for the pain I was still keeping inside.  Somehow, I managed to speak.  I told them that every father was a superhero to a child.  That my superhero had died when I was 7.  Thats when he began abusing drugs and alcohol.  I told them of the abuse, I told them how it has affected me to this day.  I told them how because of the Incest I endured for so many years I have cancer and that I will be undergoing treatment in less than a month.  I told them about the flashbacks, the memories that come to surface everyday.  i told them how he was there shouting at me to stop, telling me he would kill my mother if I kept speaking.  I told them about the PTSD and how I struggle everyday just to get out of bed.  And finally I told them that just because the wounds have healed, doesnt mean that the pain stops.  Those wounds are never forgotten.

From there it was unreal, I felt lighter if that is even possible.  As i walked back to my seat a woman, a safe person handed me a gerber daisy.  I was part of a sisterhood of woman that no one should have to join, I am always going to be part of that sisterhood.  I am going to continue to fight for womans rights, and I will definetly be participating again next year as a safe person.  I have told my story and for now thats good enough for me.