halo123's Journal

Its been a few days off my meds, and already i am noticing changes in my behavior.

They are back!! I have seen them a few times while on my meds, but now the come more frequently. The follow me when i roam the town at all hours in the of the night. by myself. They laugh at me, and taunt me, and tell me that if i dont kill myself, the people who love me even just a little will stop loving me for good.

I wonder if when they are around, can they smell my fear? And when i scream and try to hide, can they taste it with there ears? Can they feel me tremble like an earth quake, and see my falling tears?

Maybe they are here, to love me more than anybody else has. Maybe they want to take me away. Maybe they are right about death bringing you to a better place. As i think about this, i want to follow them, wherever they may lead me. I want to let them take my hand, and take away this pain. I grow more curious.

Although i may be afraid of them, i long to see there faces. Do they even have eyes? A nose? A mouth? A face at all? Are they just always hidden in the darkness of there shadows, even in the light? Or do they not have a face at all. Is it just blank? A blank dark face, with maybe even the smallest eyes you can imagine, at least so they can see me? Maybe they dont even have eyes. Maybe they sence me, everything about me. But to talk to me, they must have a mouth. Next time i see them, and they speak to me, i am going look at there face if its even there, and see if i can see a mouth. Maybe they dont got that either, maybe they have some kind of magic that allows them to talk, and see, and hear without eyes, a mouth and ears. I know they have legs and arms though. They tried to choke me with there long bony black arms, and there skinny fingers. Wrapped them right around my neck and squeezed, while the others surrounded me. And when i screamed for them to stop, they fleed as a nurse ran into my room. She gave me a shot, sat with me till i fell asleep, and she left.

What hurts just about as much as seeing them, is the fact that nobody believes me. Whenever i tell someone, they tell me "there not real, there in your head" or worse "you just want attention, and that isnt the way to get it." I cry after hearing that, cuz more than anything, i just want them to believen me. To see what i see, to hear what i hear, to feel what i feel. And maybe then, just maybe, they will understand. I just want others to understand, and for me to be able to undertand just a little bit more.

But for now, as i sit in the corner of my room, i ponder on why they dont believe me. I am going to ask one of the dark ones next time i see them, if i can show them to a friend.

Someone has got to believe me. If my loved ones wont believe me, then who will. And if nobody believes me, what am i to do!?

Please take this entry seriously, it is true. If you think this is bullshit and i am just making this up, then please dont bother about even commenting. i assure you i am not making one bit of it up.