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halo123 
2:43pm, November 12, 2009
When i was 11 years old,
my life took a turn for the worst.
Of all the bad things that have happend to me,
i'll start with the most painful thing first.
One bitter cold night,
I was walking home from the store.
I didnt know i had been his victim,
Since the minute i walked out the door.
I watched him turn on the same street as me,
but i tried to ignore him and pretend i didnt see.
Then i turned around another corner,
and sure enough, so did he.
Then he spoke to me,
he asked if i was cold.
I ignored him, then he asked again,
and i told him no.
He had alot to carry,
So he asked if i could help him out.
So thinking he wasnt so bad after all,
I stopped and turned around.
He handed me a bag,
And i gripped it tight.
We coninued on in silence,
as i tried to ignore the flickering street light.
We walked about 3 blocks more,
and when we got there, he asked it i wanted to warm up inside.
So i walked throught the front door,
Ignoring my concience screaming in my mind.
Then i was greeted by his little black dog,
So i kneeled down to the floor.
I didnt even hear it,
when the man had locked the door.
I stroked the dogs course fur,
rubbed his belly and played with his ears.
I attempted to teach him a trick,
all while ignoring my fears.
Then he put his dog outside,
and he sat beside me and stroked my hair.
He told me id please alot of guys someday,
And that i shouldnt be scared.
He kissed me on the cheek,
but since my mom did it, i thought it was okay.
I sat and twiddled my fingers,
I didnt know wat to say.
He told me to lay down,
there was a magic trick he knew.
So i lay flat on my back,
Unaware of wat he was really going to do.
He started to take off my pants,
So i sat up and told him to quit.
He told me to just relax,
it was part of his magic trick.
He said he was going to make me float higher and higher,
but i had to remove all my clothes,
Because that would make me lighter.
So i removed my jacket, shirt, pants,
and my underwear in all.
He said he would make me float so high,
And he wouldnt let me fall.
Then he started touching me,
but i thought it was part of the game.
Then he held me down, and forced himself into me,
It was the worst possible pain.
Thats when i knew,
he wanted to rape me all along.
I thought he was a good man,
I never knew he would do wrong.
I was such a fool,
I should of told him no.
I shouldnt of agreed to help him,
I should of gone straight home.
As i lay there while he continued to rape me,
I told him how much it hurt.
I screamed and begged for him to stop,
But he covered my mouth with my shirt.
And when he had finally finished, he gentally stroked my face.
He told me he was a lucky man,
And he was glad i came his way.
He told me i could go home,
and whatever i did, i couldnt tell.
He said that if i did,
God would send me to hell.
He said he would kill my mom and dad,
and the rest of my family too.
He said he would know if i told,
That it was the worst thing i could do.
He said he would kill me last,
so i could watch my family die before my eyes.
So i agreed to keep my mouth shut,
While i tried my hardest not to cry.
That night when i had gotten home,
i had to change my pants 3 times, and throw the bloody ones away.
I told my mom i started my period, cuz i didnt know wat else to say.
She believed me,
even though it was just a lie.
I knew why i was bleeding,
But i kept the truth inside.
I try so hard to forget that night,
But i think about it every day.
I wish i could erase it from my mind,
and make it go away.
I know that i cannot change the past,
It is too late to change wat was done.
But one thing i know that i can do,
Is warn everyone.
Keep your eyes open,
Dont trust anyone you dont know.
And if a man wants you to,
DONT GO!
Comments
You know that battle has not been won,
when the sheep shows no fear.
You know all pride has faded away,
when the lion sheds a tear.
You know you've given up,
when angels fall from the sky.
You know all hope is gone forever,
if you see God cry.
You know that you've stopped believing,
when you dont see the stars at night.
You'll know when you've really lost your way,
when the moon has lost its light.
If any of these things have happend,
then you might feel no point in going on.
But they have not, nor will they ever,
So continue staying strong.
Sheep will never be fearless,
Lions will never shed tears.
Angels have wings, so they cant fall.
And i heard God laughing, didnt you hear?
And when the evening falls,
and you look up in the skies,
you'll see all the beautiful stars,
twinkle before your eyes
And sometimes even in the day,
even if it seems to soon.
You can maybe look up in the sky before dark,
and see the light of the moon.
So dont give up,
cuz i'll tell you wat your living for.
Your here to fight the sadness away,
your hear to win the war!
Comments
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thats my girl im soooooo happy to hear you say that kerri i am soooo proud of you. i love you soooo much. see honey you and i were both strong and were never going to give up were strong girls.
I have fallen to my knees and said "I Give Up" so many times. Sometimes i would come so close to actually giving up, i could feel the world and all its oppertunities slipping away. The sounds of laughter would fade, and all hope would be lost. But then, i come to DS, and i find such wonderful caring people, and then suddenly, everything was okay.
IT takes one good true comment to wipe away all the bad stuff. I have learnt that. I use to think i was nothing but a monster, someone compleely unlovable, but i came here to DS, and people just brought out the inner me. The real me. Now, i have a shiny golden halo at the top of my head, can you see it? Well, you wont always be able to see it cuz my lil devil horns would show, but its there. Just look.
And that stupid gray cloud that likes to rain on me, he can kiss my ass cuz i love the rain! Or is it a girl? I dont know, and i dont care, but is gloomyness isnt rubbing off on me anymre! Because my happines done rubbed off on him first!
So who wants to join me in the search for happiness? Forever happiness! Come on! LETS GO!!!!!!! Lets get to it! And we gonna boogy all the way!
Comments
Past Entries
Goal Updated
*hugs* I'm so sorry something that horrible happened to you. I hope that writing this helped you in some way.
GiselleSylphide
*hugs* I am very sorry honey.....
Alyxx
omgggggg im sooo sorryy!!!!
this wasnt ur fault u know that right? u said "i shouldve said no" u did wen u got up the first time. u werent stupid u were just 11 yrs old and u trusted people because u were so innocent of bad thoughts.....did u ever tell anyone in ur family, like ur parents, or siblings, teachers, therapist?
if u ever need to tlk , know that im here for u!
hugsss
Itzjustme
No, i have not told anybody. Just people on DS. I never really fround the strength to tell my mom and dad. Or any of my family. I told my mom i had started my period, when i havent even started it yet. I wasnt bleeding becauase i was on, it was because that asshole ripped me. OOOOOOOOOOOOO I JUST WANNA FUCKING KILL HIM!!!!!
halo123
im sooo sorry sis!!
Itzjustme